Students should be in control of their own education (IBT)

Hi,

I'm preparing for taking Toefl IBT test. Can you please proofread my below essay!

Students, not teachers or administrators, should be in control of their own education.

At university, students should play active role when they take part in any class. Professors or administrators can support students to achieve their aims but can not control their education. Because when students are passively controlled by professors or administrators, they can not get the best result. Only students know exactly what they want and what they need.

I think you will agree with me that when we play an active role, we are easier to get our targets. Students must prepare themselves for everything which relates to their education such as books, notebooks, lessons, materials, projects, essays, and so on. Professors provide students general concepts and directions for student to do more research. Professors play important role to direct students to the correct way, but not control them all of time on the way they choose.

Additionally, no one is responsible for your result. Everyone has his or her own aims, he or she plans and implements to get the target. The result is his or her, not any one else. The better you do, the better the results you get. So, students always control themselves and get advises from professors or administrators when they meet difficulties. Professors are not responsible for your result, but for giving students positive directions.

Furthermore, students are mature enough to control their education. They will be the important people in the near future of the society. We can not put government leadership to the passive people.

Finally, the more active students are the easier students can achieve the aims. What they did in the past or doing now are what they will get in the future. They must control themselves with the supports of professors or administrators at appropriate time.

Thanks,

Tuan.

Add in "an" between the word "play" and "active".


"Can not" is spelt together as "cannot"


Again the word "can not". Also "result" should be plural with an "s".


It should be "we can easily get our targets" or "it is easier to achieve our targets."


Since you already used the words "such as", you can actually remove the "and so on" at the end. Bring the "and" to inbetween "projects" and "essays".


"Role" should be plural as in "roles". Otherwise, add an "an" to become "professors play an important role".

You might want to make "way" plural to become "ways".
"All of time" is incorrect: it should be "all the time".


These two sentences are independent clauses that need something stronger than a comma to separate. I suggest you use a semicolon(;) to separate the two sentences Otherwise, you can add an "and" after the comma.

I also feel that you should use "achieve" and not use "get" for the word "target".

Thank Jun Juan,

There are may errors in this essay. I will avoid making them later.

- Play an active role
- Can not --> Cannot
- Get the best results
- All the time (not all of time)
- Achieve targets (not get targets)

Again, the word you want is "aims," not "targets."