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Students going to college - essay correction; I am trying to improve my writting skills.

Ashkan123 12 / 33 2  
Aug 2, 2016   #1

Why do people go to college?

People used to start their career at early age. They went to primary school and middle school to learn basic concepts and then their real life began. Every career was based on try and error. You were more professional by doing it more and more. But today's life is not likewise past. Everything is changed. Life is more complicated and every job is more involved. Nowadays, more and more people are going to college to learn new skills. but there is one valid question. Why do people go to college? People go to school for different purposes including: improve their knowledge and skills, get better job and improve their life style, and they want expand their connections and find new friends, further more learning is fun.

Most people go to school to find better job. Today's jobs are more complicated than before. They need more skills and more dedication. For example, in past agriculture and industry were not as complicated as they are today. People used to learn it from their fathers but todays is much more complicated. you need to learn more skill than before and have more connection. Another thing is job markets is more competitive. the more you are skilled the more you wanted in job markets.

Some people have their jobs or the don't need job but they still go to college to improve their skills. For example: peoples who are interested to learn foreign language, or grand ma or grand pa who want to learn computer so they can talk with their grandson on the other side of world. As you can see these people are not necessary need to go to college to get better job but they need it improve their skills to have more enjoyable life.

Making new connection is another reason people go to college. Although, it is not necessarily the primary reason but it is defiantly one of benefits you can get when you enroll to college. Friendship and connection is usually base on mutual interests. Going to college helps you to find more people that they have mutual interest with you. You can discuss about your project, your future and new opportunity in front of your face with them.

Having a new skills is fun. if you learn new language you can watch new type of movies or songs. You can talk with new people and you get chance to become familiar with new culture. if you learn new software it helps you to create new things, so learning is fun. furthermore, life without challenge is boring. learning is challenge. Although during doing it may be frustrating but as soon as it finished it pays off.

In conclusion, people goes to college for different reasons. some people goes to college to have better job with better salary and some other do not need new job but they go to school to have more skill so the life become more enjoyable for them, some people go to school because they are always looking for new challenge and new things to learn, and finally learning is fun.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Aug 2, 2016   #2
Hi Ashkan, first of all, I don't see anything wrong with how you approach your first paragraph, however, in this particular essay,if there's a huge confusion from your readers, I suggest that you re- write it in a more conventional way, this way you will be able to address the questions from the readers. This way you are able to, not only satisfy your readers but also made sure that the message of the essay is clear.

Furthermore, as I go through your essay, I must say, some of the words you use are not in the right format, such as below;

1st paragraph
- Why do people go to college? People go to school for different purposes including: improve; to improve their knowledge and skills,

Something like this note above is very critical as this affects the overall outcome of your essay, this will also create a huge difference between the idea that you are trying to convey and what your essay says.

Furthermore, the use of proper word tenses is also very crucial, you have to make sure that the tenses are used as for the rules of the English language. This means when you are talking about a task or action that is ongoing, it should take the present tense.

I hope the above remarks are useful to your revision.

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