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Students who only learn from books and never practice, in reality hardly find any jobs.


quynh_12 4 / 6 3  
Jul 31, 2016   #1
Hi everyone, can you help me edit this essay? University function

Task: Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university? Give reasons for your answer, write about 250 words.

In today's world, learning at university is not a strange part in everyone's life. Some people think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. In my opinion, a real university should be a place that provides its students with professional knowledge and the best preparation for their future work. And in those lines, I will express some specific information to support my point of view.

As we all know, learning at university plays an important part in the development of each student. They absorb knowledge of the field that they pursue, not only for their dream but also for a good future. Therefore, the reason that almost students choose to learn at university is to explore new knowledge and to find a job that suits them. For example, students who apply for certain faculties such as medicine, graphics, pedagogy, engineering, ect are hoping to become doctors, designers, teachers, engineers. So as to achieve these works, university has to teach students both specialized knowledge and practical knowledge. They can hold some trips to enterprises, factories, hospitals, ect for students to face up to some difficult problems in their field and to learn more from the experienced people.

As far as I know, being provided with necessary knowledge and skills in the workplace, students will easily apply all the lessons they have learnt at university to their jobs. They are able to handle all urgent situations, never at a loss to start working in a new environment. On the other hand, students who only learn from books and never practice in reality hardly find any jobs. They lack all the necessities to become an efficient employer. And because of this, the unemployment rate among students after graduation are very high.

In conclusion, the uptake of practical knowledge and skills in the workplace is really important to students at university. I believe that a student can fulfill all her potential if she learns in the atmosphere that gives her the top priority to future job.

p_leighton 1 / 3 2  
Jul 31, 2016   #2
Hey there! This is my first review, so forgive me if it's a little sloppy!

Well, what I first noticed is that you didn't paragraph. I'm pretty sure you just forgot to do so here, but just to make sure: don't ever forget to paragraph! The second thing I noticed is that this is, or is very similar, to the IELTS Writing Test task 2 - which I quite recently sat - and, in this sense, I think your essay is lacking a little juice, but it's nothing a bit of studying can't help.

There are some minor mistakes, but they can also depend on one's point of view so don't take them to heart and simply revise your essay based on what you want to convey! Some examples:

In today's world, learning at university is not a strange ...
... regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.
[...] provides its students with professional knowledge (?) [...] And in those lines, I will express some specific information to support my point of view. (This is fairly redundant, the reader already expects you to do so!)

[...] They absorb knowledge (...) not only for their dream (aspirations would look a little better, don't you think?) but also for a good future. Therefore, the reason that almost students choose to learn (the reason why students choose to study or attend university) at university is to explore new knowledge and to find a job that suits them. [...] faculties such as medicine, graphics, pedagogy, engineering, etc (among others,) are hoping to become doctors, designers, teachers or engineers. So as to achieve these works, the[university (repeating words doesn't look professional, try to find synonyms!) [...] They can hold some trips to enterprises, factories, hospitals, ect,for students to face up to some difficult problems in their field (so students can identify the difficulties of their fields) and to learn more from the experienced people. (Try to find errors like these in the other paragraph.)

In conclusion, (...) and skills in the workplace is really (again, doesn't look professional, try finding synonyms like very or incredibly) important to students at university. I believe that a student can fulfill all her potential if she learns (they learn) in the atmosphere that gives her the top priority to future job. (try re-wording the conclusion!)

That's about it. Revise your text and grammar! Hope I've helped!
OP quynh_12 4 / 6 3  
Aug 1, 2016   #3
thank you for your help but what do you mean when you say i have to paragraph because i've paragraphed already. and in the last edit you wrote that I believe that a student can fulfill all her potential if she learns (they learn)in the atmosphere that gives her the top priority to future job.(try re-wording the conclusion!)

i think it's right because a student= she/he#they
Anyway, thank you very much for helping me edit my essay
p_leighton 1 / 3 2  
Aug 1, 2016   #4
I'm glad I could help.

With regard to your question, I suggest you take a look at this article: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singular_they

Regards
p_leighton


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