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IELTS TASK 2 Some students leave school with a negative attitude towards learning and peer pressure


chrisskuo 1 / 1  
May 27, 2019   #1

disruptive behavior towards learning



Questions: Today, many young people leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. What are the causes of this? Suggest some solutions.

There has been an increasing amount of students who graduate with disruptive behavior towards learning, which has affected their ability on a large scale. There are some causes of this development, and I will discuss several solutions to tackle this problem.

One of the main problems of negative learning is that some students cannot keep up with the pace in their studies; they are more likely to fall behind in grades and feel depressed. This is the cause of peer pressure where young people find it challenging to maintain their studies with others, and as a result, they lose their confidence in their learning. Another cause is bullying from disruptive students, which may lead to severe social isolation to those affected in their academic studies. For example, there is news about students who were diagnosed with depression after they got bullied at schools several times, and it had therefore caused negative impacts on their health and studies both physically and mentally.

However, one of the solutions to tackle students' negative behavior in their studies is to offer consulting services at schools with personal care. Students can then make appointments with consoler to talk about the development of their career plans, goals, and how to improve their academic performance during their school years. These improvements can help students to accept themselves and boost their positivity towards learning. Another solution to prevent bullying is to separate disruptive students in different classrooms at schools so that the majority of students can concentrate on their studies while students who bully can be separated with care. Schools are responsible for making sure each student can be well-developed and educated throughout their school years.

In conclusion, although there are problems associated with a negative attitude towards learning from peer pressure and bullying at schools, problems can be solved if schools can provide consulting services and separate disruptive students with care.

Your feedback is useful for my upcoming test, thanks!

Maria [Contributor] - / 934 336  
May 27, 2019   #2
@chrisskuo
Hello!

Let's take a look at your essay; and I'll do my best to provide you with an appropriate feedback.

First and foremost, while I think that your grasp of the language is sufficient, you can turn your focus now on maximizing the space you have for your essay. Because IELTS requires that you work confined with a word count, it is best if you can manage to create more strategic structures that will help you in the long-run.

In addition to this, omit what you can omit. Be straightforward. Restructure your sentences to create simpler and more bold proclamations.

Try more organic transitions between your sentences. Doing this will help you create effective contents that do not appear to be unnatural.

Let's take a look at your essay and revise in accordance.

Students nowadays have disruptive learning behaviors, affecting a large scale of their abilities. There are causes to this to be discussed in the essay alongside solutions.

One of the main problems with this negative mindset is that students cannot keep up with the pace of their studies. They fall behind in their grades, leading to potential mental issues.* Peer pressure alongside other challenges growing up affect their confidence in learning. [...]


*It is inappropriate to create quite assumptive messages in academic essays (ie. mentioning that it can already lead to depression). Be cautious of the terms you use.

Best of luck in your writing. Message us if you have any other questions!
DoctorWho [Contributor] - / 40 23  
May 27, 2019   #3
Hello Chris!!

It's a well written essay.
The content is good as well.

Mentioned below are a few suggestions to improve on your essay.
... students who graduate with disruptive behavior (disruptive behavior does'nt convey the same meaning as negative attitude towards leaning. While it is always good to use synonyms and paraphrase, make sure the substitute word means the same.) a negative attitude towards learning, which...

One of the main problems causes of a negative attitude towards learning is ...
they These students are more likely to...
This is the causes of peer pressure ... to maintain their studies high grades in comparison to with others, and as a result, ...

However, One of the solutions ... behavior in towards their studies is to offer consulting counselling services ...
.... appointments with consoler a counsellor to talk about the ...
Another solution ... who bully can be separated with care ( Or instead of segregating students, you can have stricter anti bullying rules in schools and raise awareness regarding the detrimental effects of bullying among students).

... if schools can provide consulting counselling services and separate disruptive students with care deal with disruptive students as well.

Keep practicing and you will do much better as time passes.
Good Luck! :)
OP chrisskuo 1 / 1  
May 28, 2019   #4
@Maria
Thanks so much for your prompt feedback! Trying to sound naturally in transitions is my weakest spot, and hopefully, I will get better.
@DoctorWho
Thanks so much for your feedback, I did not realize the meaning between disruptive students and a negative attitude is different. Thanks for pointing it out!


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