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TOEFL: Some students live in their hometowns, but others in different cities - which do you like?


kathyt 1 / 3 1  
Aug 17, 2014   #1
The world 's economy has witnessed unprecedented boom in recent years . Such situation contributes to more employment opportunities in different cities . Meanwhile , graduation students are often presented with two major paths to pave the ways for their future development , either to stay in their hometowns , living in familiar environment and hanging out with old friends , or to spread their wings in strange cities, experiencing different local life and meeting with new people . Both ways work . From my perspective , however , the latter may best be regarded as my ideal life in this respect for the following reasons .

Different towns or cities , especially the bigger ones have more employment opportunities , so do the career options . Youngsters might be the most energetic and adventurous people in the world .They value challenges more than stability . They care more about chances for bright future ,rather than how high their starting salaries are . Taking adventures in different cities and seeking for better employment opportunities seem to be the prime alternative for them .An illustrating example is my experience during job-hunting . When I graduated from university , I came back to my hometown- a quite small town with undeveloped commercial system at first place. My major is global communication and I prefer to start my career in the relative fields. Unfortunately , I barely see foreigners in my hometown ,not to mention taking advantage of my major to get a job. After two months of bending on sending my profiles but with no reply , I set my mind to leave my hometown and find job in other cities . Unlike the situation in my hometown , I finally get my career started in a bigger city . At the same time , I could get to know the latest news about my field .

In addition , living in different cities or towns will let people have brand-new experiences and meet with new friends . As a real food-lover , exploring and tasting local food is my way to learn about new towns and cities ,but it only constitutes a small part of how we experience the local cultures . As an Chinese old saying goes : travelling ten thousand miles and reading ten thousand books is the top idea for people . Therefore , living and working in diverse cities is actually great treasure for not only young people . Meanwhile , meeting more people and expanding one 's friend circle not only paves the way to career success , but also colors one 's daily life .

Admittedly , living in hometown can make people feel cozy and safe . No more risks , but stability and fulfillment . Nevertheless , living and working besides hometown broadens our mind , enlarge our vision and offering more chances and possibilities of life .

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 17, 2014   #2
The world 's economy has witnessed unprecedented boom in recent years . Such situation contributes to more employment opportunities in different cities

Well, I think you should have aligned your writing more with what your prompt suggests. Its focus is on the students and not on working people or the reasons for migration.

You need to start your essay with a sentence that is more relevant to your topic and is able to provide a better entrance to your essay.

I think you need to re-do the whole essay again to achieve a better alignment to what your prompt requires.
OP kathyt 1 / 3 1  
Aug 17, 2014   #3
align

Hi ,Dumi ! Thank you so much for your comment ! Maybe I didn't write the topic clear enough due to the word limit . The topic is " After they complete their universitiy studies ,some students live in their hometowns .Others live in different cities and towns .Which do you think is better ? Give reasons for your answer"
hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Aug 21, 2014   #4
living in hometown can make people feel cozy and safe . No more risks , but stability and fulfillment . Nevertheless , living and working besides hometown broadens our mind , mayenlargeexpand our vision and offering offer more chances and possibilities of life .
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 22, 2014   #5
Maybe I didn't write the topic clear enough due to the word limit .

Well, you can include the full prompt in the post on top of your essay. Many other do that and it is very useful for us to align our comments with what your prompt requires :)

Yes, I think what I guessed your topic to be is wrong ...Now that I know and let see how I can contribute to improve your essay :)

The world 's economy has witnessed unprecedented boom in recent years . Such situation contributes to more employment opportunities in different cities .

Yes, now I see your sentences are well aligned with the prompt :)

Meanwhile , graduation students are often presented with two major paths to pave the ways for their future development , either to stay in their hometowns , living in familiar environment and hanging out with old friends , or to spread their wings in strange cities, experiencing different local life and meeting with new people .

This sentence is pretty long and it disturbs reader's concentration on your writing forcing him to remember lots of details to understand your idea.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,198 464  
Aug 23, 2014   #6
living and working in diverse cities isare actually great treasure for not only youngcommon people

Admittedly ,In conclusion, living in hometown can make people feel cozy and safe . It is no more risks , but stability and fulfillment .
OP kathyt 1 / 3 1  
Aug 25, 2014   #7
Thank you so much for your patience!!! I'll try to make it simple !!


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