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Writing task 2: Students should be primarily taught academic subjects so that they can pass exams

TranThanhLuy 1 / 1  
Nov 9, 2021   #1
Students should be primarily taught academic subjects so that they can pass exams, and practical skills such as cooking should not be taught.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is said that the curriculum for student need to concentrate on academic subject than many practical skills like cooking or team-working. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this statement.

We can clearly see that today, curriculum are not built to become comprehensive education in many countries. The lack of practical classes are consequently made the generation which are subject to shortage of skills which are necessary to tackle with their daily problems. For instance, nowadays, wider range of adolescent have limited experience in cooking and repairing their household appliances. Furthermore, most of the youngsters are socially inept, thereby struggling to communicate and build up relationships with others. When they get adulthood, they tend be ill-equipped to deal with other issues related to jobs, families and other relationships.

Besides that, the absence of encouragement in training practical skills have adverse impacts on the perception of students. In spite of the fact that the experimental skills are more essential than academic knowledge on surviving in daily life and contributing the jubilant family and happiness, students tend to have a misbelief that having academic achievement in school and steady theoretical fomulas will help them achieve dream life. This misguided thinking lead to a numerous failures in their whole aspect of future life.

In conclusion, the curriculum which concentrate on academic and ignore the soft skills will cause the undesirable outcomes for young generation. Students should be raised awareness about this vital skills and effort to improve it.

My essay is marked 5/9 ielts and i wonder how to improve mark in this essay. Honestly thank all people give me feedback.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,666 4113  
Nov 10, 2021   #2
The first error is in the inaccurate prompt restatement. Providing the topic restatement is one thing. Forgetting to paraphrase the reason for the discussion topic is another. Without the reason, the opinion statement fails to make sense. Then, the opinion was provided without a discussion reason foundation. The thesis statement completes the first half of the presentation. That is why the paragraph scored lesson an individual basis.

As this is a first person opinion essay of the singular pronoun kind, it is inappropriate for the writer to use first person group pronouns such an "we" in the essay. That is a grammar rule error as it affects the clarity of the opinion. The group pronouns only apply to third person-group pronoun references in the public opinion sections.
beloyal 1 / 1  
Nov 12, 2021   #3
This is a potential question for me, you missed all the conjunction words to link your idea.
OP TranThanhLuy 1 / 1  
Nov 14, 2021   #4
Thank you. Can you give me some particularly example about conjuction words in this essay?

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