n the contrast
"In contrast"
troop of young adults
"group" of young adults sounds better.
. I find the other situation as more beneficial or better because of the following points.
.... the reader wonders which situation you are talking of. Also, you don't need this line and could have stopped at stating your position. That's a nice complete ending to your introduction.
Family's contact and background also gives support in any phase of life, either it be sweet or harsh. Family's support kills boredom and monotonousness of life. While if independence is considered, I complete it by saying this that if relationships with our respective relatives is maintained with utmost Care, Purity and Frankness then one would get the most independence while living with the family because it is well said that," Life is too short, gather as many as companions possibl
.... This lacks the features of a proper conclusion, whereas it looks like another body para. You need to work on your conclusion. You write well :)