Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

'I studied in the Philippines'; Spending money on travelling or saving?


duke616 2 / 6  
Feb 2, 2010   #1
The issue at hand is that a number of people insist saving money is batter than taking a vacation
or travelling. It is due to the fact that financial crisis. Many good company has been bankrupt in America include Europe markets. Therefore, it supports saving money. But, I strong believe that

taking a vacation or travelling is better than saving money. When we go to outdoor or another country, we can revitalize our sprit or mind and learn it that cannot study on the desk.

First of all, when we felt pain or tired in our life, at that time, we should go out like travelling
or vacation. It supports that almost companies have taking a vacation or outdoor activity period.
To illustrate, I met my cousin, who has worked in the major company, during his vacation period.
I asked to him which is function on vacation or leisure time in the company. He replied to me,
it revitalizes our mind or sprit. When we work long time, we can feel tired, and then,
our achievement become low. Finally, The company fall out their product.
So, leisure time is necessary to company.
As his mention, I can know that taking vacation or travelling is good.

Second, we travel to another country or unfamiliar place,
we can learn many things that do not read in the book.
The best example is my studying abroad in the Philippines.
I studied in the Philippines during my university program on last 2009 at fall.
At that time, some friends want to save money. So they did not go out as well.
But, another friends and I go out many places, and then, we got a much experience and
knew another country people mind that is their felicific calculus that can not learn withd book.
When I meet friends in Korea, they always concern their future. It is very complicate.
But, Filipino have different our mind also another country people is same.
I believe that it is more value than billions.

In conclusion, some people insist that saving money is better than taking a vacation or travelling. because, they can prepare to emergency situations or they can spend flexible it. However,

in my opinion, I prefer to choose taking a vacation or travelling rather than saving money.
Though travelling or taking a vacation, I can revitalize our sprit or rearrange our mind in addition,
we can get much experience.
Joeyson 7 / 15  
Feb 2, 2010   #2
You may want to revise it looking for all the gramatical errors and mechanics.

For example:
"In conclusion, some people insist that saving money is better than taking a vacation or travelling. because, they can"
Don't state that it's the conclusion, ease into it, use transition sentences.
OP duke616 2 / 6  
Feb 2, 2010   #3
thank you very muh for helping me. :D
But your opinion is difficult to me
could you point out specific sentences?
Joeyson 7 / 15  
Feb 2, 2010   #4
Like the topic sentences of each of the paragraphs. You say First, Second, Third, etc. Just flow them into the essay.

"The issue at hand is that a number of people insist saving money rather than taking a vacation or travelling. It is due to the financial crisis. Many good companies have been going bankrupt in America, including Europe markets"

I fixed this sentence on what I think it should be to make more sense.
OP duke616 2 / 6  
Feb 2, 2010   #5
thank you for ur advice
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 3, 2010   #6
Here are some corrections:

It is due to the threat fact that of financial crisis. Many good companies have been bankrupt in America, including those affecting European markets. Therefore, it is wise to save money.

First of all, when we feel pain or fatigue in our lives, at those times we should go out like traveling on vacation.

Second, when we travel to another country or an unfamiliar place, we can learn many things that we cannot read about in the books.

Keep practicing!! :-) And keep reading English aloud, speaking the words so your brain remembers all the weird rules.
OP duke616 2 / 6  
Feb 5, 2010   #7
Thanks your advice :)
I'll keep my mind


Home / Writing Feedback / 'I studied in the Philippines'; Spending money on travelling or saving?