Hi guys, here is my essay. Please give me any feedback and suggestion, thank you.
[Essay]
With the rapid development of society, more and more people concerned about how to make education better and efficient. Some people state that students should invent amount of time in learning, while others have a negative attitude toward this proposal. Despite diversified opinions aired by diverse people basing on their own stances, there can be no doubt that spending long time studying is not a good way to improve education quality for students.
First of all, students should contact with outside world, which ensures their knowledge and skills are useful for their works in the future. It is true for most of students that attending school is get well prepared for the work in the future. Therefore, properly contacting with outside world is an efficient way to examine whether their knowledge and skills learning in school can be applied to works. With involving in interns, part-time jobs and other activities, students can realize which knowledge and skills are crucial for the work. If they, as a part time job workers or interns, find that they lack some skills and knowledge and want to learn more, they would be able to adjust their studying schedule immediately and take relevant courses in following semesters. All in all, contacting with outside world makes students accumulating practical and meaningful knowledge in a short period.
Another reason worth mentioning is that proper rest can increase learning efficiency much more than long-time studying. Since students in school sat in front of desks for a long time and put large effort into learning, they should have a proper rest to relieve the stresses accumulated on their schoolwork. For example, they can go back to their hometown to reunion with their families or friends, or can plan a long-distance travel to visit other countries and be exposed to different cultures. These activities are good way for students to free their minds from stresses and demands of schoolwork. They also can obtain enough time to refresh their thinking and recover energy needed to learning. In the contrary, if students spend a great deal of time studying without taking break, their stresses may not be reduces effectively, which would have negative influence on their learning.
By and large, after taking all aspects into consideration, I hold that students should properly expose to outside world and involve in various activities. Since these methods can improve students' efficiency in learning much better than long-time studying, schools should consider them as one of crucial policies rather than merely increasing students' learning time.
Thank you for the help.
"students can realize which knowledge and skills are crucial for the work."- this sounds a bit weird...
--> According to the suggestion you gave, how about this one : students can realize which knowledge and skills are necessary/required for the work.
