Hi Mumtazdinar, I would like to give several comments and suggestions for your writing. I hope these can improve your writing.
First of all, I would rather consider grammatical errors in your writing inasmuch as grammatical issues are the most important point when we want achieve a higher score.Grammatical Issues :
universities provide a subject in their curriculum
I think that you should make "curriculum" become a plural noun as the determiner "their" is plural. So it should be : curricula or curriculums
students only focus onspecific part of subject
I suggest that you need an article on complementing phrase in a red color. Alternatively, you can make it plural.
they come to be a good professional person
be careful to use phrasal verb as the meaning is presumably different from what you expect. the definition of come to
=If a thought or idea comes to you, you suddenly remember or start to think about it
. Consequently, you cannot use the phrasal verb in such a sentence.
While it is true to some extent as they come to be a good professional person such as a doctor and an engineer
I know well what you mean in this paragraph; I, however, argue that your sentence is not logic enough because you said "they" (it does mean more than one/ plural) but in the next statement you said "a good professional person" (it does mean that the phrase is singular). So I suggest you to make your sentence becoming much consistent. What's more, I know that you want make a coordinate idea in such a sentence, even though I think it will be more appropriate to use "or" rather than "and".
some subjects to the universities curriculum
"to" is not collocate with "subjects". So it should be : in some subjects in the universities ...
this my correction :
adding some subjects to the universities curriculum makes the students
an extensive knowledge instead of their primary subjects
as they will get much information to support their field subjects
your subject is adding, your verb is make, have => subject verb agreement, and doubling verb in one sentence.I suggest you to read or review you grammar book if you do not know what I mean; Nevertheless, if you are not focus enough when you writing this essay. I suggest you to read it more that twice to make sure your structure.
bring their graduate into a highly competent person.
it should be = their graduates
As a matter of fact , nowadays, most universities in the world
I suggest you to avoid the expression as I am afraid that the phrase is inappropriate in my writing. I give you some references:
1.) Writing reference in Complete IELTS Advance 6.5-7.5
which is writen by Guy Brook-Hart and Venesa Jakeman (page 102) is not state "as a matter of fact" as an appropriate expression unless you use it for speaking.
2.) There is such an expression in book "Succeed in IELTS Speaking and Vocabulary" which is written by Andrew Betsis (GlobalELT). Therefore, I presume that the expression is necessary when it comes to speaking.
3.) Dictionary "Advanced Cambridge Learner" write that the meaning of "as a matter of fact" is used to add emphasis to what you are saying, or to show that it is the opposite of or different from what went before
. As a consequence, you should consider it as a speaking reference. Nevertheless, If you find that the expression is appropriate for academic writing, you should consider your idea in your sentence because of the definition of the phrase and how to use it.It is an enigma (for myself) whether the expression is necessary or not, and thus, I decide myself to avoid it in writing expression.
nowadays, most universities in the world have been constructing the curriculum only concern for the field of subject as they expect their graduates become a skilled person.DOUBLE VERBS in the sentence.
check your grammar first and let me know when you finish it. I would like to discuss your idea and flow if you want to correct your grammar.KEEP STUDY, KEEP SPIRIT.