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Study once specialist subject or a series of subjects in universitiy


mumtazdinar 12 / 15 12  
Feb 23, 2015   #1
Some people think universities students should only study once specialist subject, while others think the universities should encourage the students to study a series of subjects in addition to the one subject.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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More attention should be paid on how universities provide a subject in their curriculum. Ordinary people think that college students only focus on specific part of subject. While it is true to some extent as they come to be a good professional person such as a doctor and an engineer, other people argue that adding some subjects to the universities curriculum make the students have an extensive knowledge instead of their primary subject as they will get much information to support their field subject. However, I comprehensively agree that the universities which provide an additional subject will bring their graduate into a highly competent person.

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replikatika 4 / 5 1  
Feb 23, 2015   #2
They enable to give a quality advice to their customer.

As i know, 'enable' is a transitive verb. It needs an object which can be a noun, noun phrase, or gerund. I think to infinitive cannot follow such verb.
shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Feb 23, 2015   #3
Hi mumtazdinar,

I only have one comment for your writing. Hopefully, it will be useful :)

Para 2:
a faculty of medicine only provide -- provides

Good job..
Zihni92 3 / 8  
Feb 23, 2015   #4
Hi Mumtazdinar, you speak the topic well, but I found some mistakes in your conclusion

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that although once specialist subject makes the graduates to be a professional person, the universities have to provide additional subjects to improve their students' attitude. However, students who learn some additional subjects such as religion subject [subjects] will come up with the best solutions. It is imperative that adding spiritual subject in the curriculum gives benefits to [for] the graduates and environment where they work or live.

* you wrote 'subject' in to much words (28 repetitions), it can be replaced by theme, topic, motif, or keynote.
fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Feb 23, 2015   #5
Hi Mumtazdinar, I would like to give several comments and suggestions for your writing. I hope these can improve your writing.
First of all, I would rather consider grammatical errors in your writing inasmuch as grammatical issues are the most important point when we want achieve a higher score.

Grammatical Issues :

universities provide a subject in their curriculum

I think that you should make "curriculum" become a plural noun as the determiner "their" is plural. So it should be : curricula or curriculums

students only focus onspecific part of subject

I suggest that you need an article on complementing phrase in a red color. Alternatively, you can make it plural.

they come to be a good professional person

be careful to use phrasal verb as the meaning is presumably different from what you expect. the definition of come to =If a thought or idea comes to you, you suddenly remember or start to think about it. Consequently, you cannot use the phrasal verb in such a sentence.

While it is true to some extent as they come to be a good professional person such as a doctor and an engineer

I know well what you mean in this paragraph; I, however, argue that your sentence is not logic enough because you said "they" (it does mean more than one/ plural) but in the next statement you said "a good professional person" (it does mean that the phrase is singular). So I suggest you to make your sentence becoming much consistent. What's more, I know that you want make a coordinate idea in such a sentence, even though I think it will be more appropriate to use "or" rather than "and".

some subjects to the universities curriculum

"to" is not collocate with "subjects". So it should be : in some subjects in the universities ...

this my correction :
adding some subjects to the universities curriculum makes the students having an extensive knowledge instead of their primary subjects as they will get much information to support their field subjects .

your subject is adding, your verb is make, have => subject verb agreement, and doubling verb in one sentence.
I suggest you to read or review you grammar book if you do not know what I mean; Nevertheless, if you are not focus enough when you writing this essay. I suggest you to read it more that twice to make sure your structure.

bring their graduate into a highly competent person.

it should be = their graduates

As a matter of fact , nowadays, most universities in the world

I suggest you to avoid the expression as I am afraid that the phrase is inappropriate in my writing. I give you some references:

1.) Writing reference in Complete IELTS Advance 6.5-7.5 which is writen by Guy Brook-Hart and Venesa Jakeman (page 102) is not state "as a matter of fact" as an appropriate expression unless you use it for speaking.

2.) There is such an expression in book "Succeed in IELTS Speaking and Vocabulary" which is written by Andrew Betsis (GlobalELT). Therefore, I presume that the expression is necessary when it comes to speaking.

3.) Dictionary "Advanced Cambridge Learner" write that the meaning of "as a matter of fact" is used to add emphasis to what you are saying, or to show that it is the opposite of or different from what went before . As a consequence, you should consider it as a speaking reference. Nevertheless, If you find that the expression is appropriate for academic writing, you should consider your idea in your sentence because of the definition of the phrase and how to use it.

It is an enigma (for myself) whether the expression is necessary or not, and thus, I decide myself to avoid it in writing expression.

nowadays, most universities in the world have been constructing the curriculum only concern for the field of subject as they expect their graduates become a skilled person.

DOUBLE VERBS in the sentence.

check your grammar first and let me know when you finish it. I would like to discuss your idea and flow if you want to correct your grammar.

KEEP STUDY, KEEP SPIRIT.
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Feb 27, 2015   #6
More attention should be paid on how universities provide a subject in their curriculum. Ordinary people think that college students only focus on specific part of subject. While it is true to some extent as they come to be a(the previous noun you said "they"but here you say "a") good professional person such as a doctor and an engineer, other people argue that adding some subjects to the universities curriculum make the students have an extensive knowledge instead of their primary subject as they will get much information to support their field subject. However, I comprehensively agree that the universities which provide an additional subject will bring their graduates into a highly competent personpeople(why I change so because universities identically have more than one graduate).

As a matter of fact, nowadays, most universities in the world have been constructing the curriculum only concern for the field of subject as they expect their graduates become a skilled person(in this entence you have three verbs but oneconjunction). For instance, a faculty of medicine only provides the subjects related to medical sector as they(they refers to whom? you have not mentioned people/students in this sentence) become a doctor. Also an engineer , when they studied in the universities, they focus on engineering subject(an engineer NOT they). From here(you may change this "as a result" because it seems uncommon in academic writing), the professional will only know about their field(remember that conclusion should be linked to the topic sentence NOT example).

On the other hand, people believe that a professional person has to be capable of an other knowledge which can help him or her(this object pronoun is uncommon in academic writing, it could be better if you talk as general such as "they/them/their") to improve their abilityies(you need conjunction here because double verb without conjunction is forbidden)become a talented person. For example, the doctors and the engineers have to know about some religion studies. They can improve their attitude especially in morals and ethics. A 2012, study in King Abdul Aziz University pointed out that 75 % doctors and engineers in England who have studied a religion subject are more patient and better attitude when they serve their clients . They enable to give a quality advice to their customers . From this research, it can be seen that education of religion is important factor in part of universities curriculum.[/quote]

[quote=mumtazdinar]In additionAnother point to discuss this opinion is that companies are usually interested in the graduates who have a good perspective and a mannerly person. While they have a good result in their studies, the companies always refer to applicant's point of view when they come to a job interview. Therefore, the students who have worked out the religion studies, they have much knowledge on how to be the best person in life. They have more value than other graduates who never involve in spiritual studies(this is not the conclusion of topic sentence/first line).

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that although once specialist subject makes(it seems not appropriate meaning if you use "make" here) the graduates to be a professional person, the universities have to provide additional subjects to improve their students' attitude. However, students who learn some additional subjects such as religion subject will come up with the best solutions. It is imperative that adding spiritual subject in the curriculum gives benefits to the graduates and environment where they work or live(why environment get benefit from subject??).

For the reasons mentioned aboveso, it seems to me that although once specialist subject makescreates the graduates to be a professional person, the universities have to provide additional subjects to improve their students' attitude. However, students who learn some additional subjects such as religion subject will come up with the best solutions. It is imperative that adding spiritual subject in the curriculum gives benefits to the graduates and environment where they work or live.

(I don't know why when I read your conclusion, it seems that I repeat some repetition sentences that you mentioned so, you need to paraphrase it).

overall, please focus on the task. I'm afraid that it is going to be off topic. Thank you. Good Luck!!


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