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The study-work culture in Denmark has always fascinated a lot of international students


Yashwanth 1 / 2 1  
Nov 17, 2015   #1
How does higher education in Denmark differ from India? Please offer your personal interpretation of the two systems.
"The following case question tests your knowledge on how higher education in Denmark differ from India. We highly encourage you to spend time coming up with a good response - this is your opportunity to showcase your creativity and innovative thinking!"

Please suggest if any mistakes found and help me in improvising the essay

Long long ago there was a time when Earth was just a small grain of sand before the Big bang happened. An explosion created us as a result and here we are, trying to unveil the secrets of Universe in order to sustain in future. In the course of unveiling Universe's secrets, here are two countries namely Denmark and India who are constantly striving to contribute to the ongoing research and pass on knowledge to the future generations through higher education system.

The first and foremost thing any student would consider about higher education is, the way of teaching and the learning experience. Denmark is one such place where student is given absolute preference while imparting knowledge. Denmark education system follows a student-centered learning approach combined with project work and problem solving approach rather than passive listening, where as in India the higher education system is self-centered, students less likely get quality education and more likely are concerned about their performance in exams and hence, adapt to rote learning methods.

Indians are very good at theoretical skills but finally at the end of the day it is the real life experimentation skills that is going to save the day. The Danes have higher advantage in this regard.

There's a lot that goes into implementing a new idea and getting approved from the government of India, and at each and every step corruption and politics take the upper hand. Whereas Denmark is known to be ranked as number one in corruption free ratings and hence an hassle free implementation.

According to the statistics, Denmark ranks 40 out of 215 with a literacy rate of 99% and ranks 53 in unemployment rate whereas India ranks 185 with 62.8% literacy rate and 97th in unemployment rate. This shows that education and employment is given the top most priority in Denmark. In recent times Denmark has also attracted lot of International students to pursue higher education. Denmark offers internationally oriented wide variety of programs thus creating an enriched learning environment. International students in Denmark constitute 9.2 percent of the total number of students who have taken up higher education whereas India has only 0.16% of the total number of students.

Denmark was once a place of Danes and now a place of international students and ever growing opportunities. The study-work culture in Denmark has always fascinated lot of international students in pursuing their higher studies.

KenMugi 1 / 5 1  
Nov 17, 2015   #2
Hey Yashwath,

Please don't take my comments to heart and if I've offended you, I apologize in advance. Overall, I think its an average essay but there is room for improvement.

Firstly, I believe the introduction is a bit irrelevant unless you are trying be dramatic. What I would do is generally talk about education first before introducing the two specific examples of Denmark and India.

Secondly, for the body, I think you greatly improve by giving specific examples and elaborating your points. For example, you state that "According to the statistics, Denmark ranks 40 out of 215 with a literacy rate of 99% and ranks 53 in unemployment rate whereas India ranks 185 with 62.8% literacy rate and 97th in unemployment rate. This shows that education and employment is given the top most priority in Denmark." Here you just quoting a fact and then giving your point. I believe you elaborate and explain why it shows that education and employment is given top priority.

Lastly, as you end your essay, you are focusing a lot on Denmark. This makes your essay seem biased. Perhaps, if you are trying to potray why Denmark's education system is great, you could also try to give implications or solutions in order to improve the education system in India.

Cheers,
Kenneth
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 17, 2015   #3
Yaswanth, I agree with Kenneth regarding the mention of the Big Bang, it just doesn't fit in the overall essay. You can't even refer back to it at the end. Frankly speaking, the work that you wrote did not come across as the creative essay that the prompt is asking you to come up with. It uses too much of the narrative style and depicts information almost like a research paper. All of which do not really fall in line with the "suggestion" of the prompt that you "think outside the box" and use a creative, and imaginative approach to your essay.

When we speak of a creative and imaginative approach, that means you should relay the information that you have on hand in an informal or "story telling" manner. Don't think about ancient civilizations or just presenting the facts and figures that you learned while doing research for this essay. Be innovative in your presentation. Come up with a backstory for the information. Don't just present it to the reviewer. Also, don't concentrate on the international student aspect of the educational difference of the two countries. Just think about how the differences apply to you as a student. After all, you are trying to sell the reviewer on your idea of the differences between the Danish and Indian educational systems.

One of the ways that you can write this essay is from your personal point of view. What you need is a story about the reasons why you opted to compare studying in India with studying in Denmark. Sure you presented the reasons quite clearly in this narrative, but you did not present the reasons why these differences are important to you, as a student and as a person. In order to understand the difference between the learning opportunities in Denmark and India, the reader has to first learn your personal objectives for studying in Denmark.

Again, your essay contains all of the theoretical and factual information for the comparison, what it lacks, is your personal voice. So another way to present your creative and innovative essay would be for you develop your own idea or reflection as to why the Indian basis of education will be a benefit to an Indian student when combined with the Danish way of learning.
Ra_fhli 22 / 17 8  
Nov 18, 2015   #4
Hey YASH. nice to be treshold you here. let me try to give you some comments in your following essay.

At first glance, to be honest, when I read your first paragraph apparently your idea still untouch the point and still wild. However your grammar is quitely good. you might deliver your idea in the first sentence by enclosure the scientifict fact based on the rank of both countries or something else.

Here the good one; Denmark ranks 40 out of 215 with a literacy rate of 99% and ranks 53 in unemployment rate whereas India ranks 185 with 62.8% literacy rate and 97th in unemployment rate. you can start from this one, however too much number you serve in your writing also make the reader will not intersted.

Long long ago In the baygone era, there was a time when Earth was ...

The First and foremost thing any student would consider ...
OP Yashwanth 1 / 2 1  
Nov 18, 2015   #5
How does higher education in Denmark differ from India

Hi Lousia,

I have changed the essay according to the suggestions made. I am unable to make a prompt conclusion. Could you please suggest or help me in this. And also correct me if there are any grammatical errors

In the course of unveiling Universe's secrets, many countries are constantly striving to contribute to the ongoing research and pass on knowledge to the future generations through higher education system. I am one such person who want to contribute and improve my knowledge to achieve something great in the society and hence, I was looking for higher education opportunities abroad and I came across this small country situated in the north part of Europe namely Denmark which has interesting programs for international students. It was kind of a trade off to choose between studying in Denmark and continuing in India and hence I started my rigorous research in looking up for the best opportunities.

The first and foremost thing any student would consider about higher education is, the way of teaching and the learning experience. Denmark is one such place where student is given absolute preference while imparting knowledge. Denmark education system follows a student-centered learning approach combined with project work and problem solving approach rather than passive listening, where as in India the higher education system is self-centered, students less likely get quality education and more likely are concerned about their performance in exams and hence, adapt to rote learning methods. But this brings out a competitive spirit among Indians which Danes don't possess. Indians are very good at theoretical skills but finally at the end of the day it is the real life experimentation skills that is going to save the day and Danes have an higher advantage in this regard. In my perception the Danish style of learning along with Indian style would give better experience and better capabilities to students.

There's a lot that goes into implementing a new idea and getting approved from the government of India, and at each and every step corruption and politics take the upper hand. Whereas Denmark is known to be ranked as number one in corruption free ratings and hence an hassle free implementation.

According to the statistics, Denmark ranks 40 out of 215 with a literacy rate of 99% and ranks 53 in unemployment rate whereas India ranks 185 with 62.8% literacy rate and 97th in unemployment rate. This shows that education and employment is given the top most priority in Denmark. In my opinion any country would be a topic of discussion if it has strong military force, a good GDP rating and great technical advancements. Denmark is constantly investing efforts to increase their visibility to the world through technical advancements and increasing GDP, and hence prioritizing education and employment. Whereas in India there are lot many things that goes on, since it is a country with huge and diverse population.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 18, 2015   #6
Yaswanth, your essay actually has a number of useless information such as the statistics on education, corruption, and other government related data. Now, considering that you are being asked to discuss only the educational system in comparison to one another, I really don't believe that the inclusion of that information made your essay any better. Instead, it weakened it because you presented non-related information instead of concentrating solely on the demands of the prompt for a creatively written essay. So, what I tried to accomplish for you below, is a revision of the current essay that you have, solely concentrating on presenting the comparison of the educational systems from your personal perspective. Which is what the prompt requires. It comes in at 382 words, way below the 500 maximum count:

India is a country that values education, but has a system that tries to control the learning process of its students. That is why I have recently found myself at a crossroad. I have a desire to learn more in my field of interest, but I do not wish to be controlled in my quest for knowledge anymore. I knew that I could apply for admission to any country in the world, but I did not want to go to just any country, I want to study where few students have thought of studying, a small country where the educational system is open, innovative, and inspirational to its students. That is how I found myself considering Denmark for the next phase of my education.

I was drawn to Denmark as a potential country to seek my education in is because Denmark's educational system approaches education with a student-centric learning approach. Allowing the student to actually learn through project development and problem solving helps to enhance the leadership and analytical abilities of the student. This is in far cry from the self-centered, educator controlled learning environment that is promoted in India. Passive listening is the method by which I learned most of my lessons growing up and I always felt that something was missing in my education because of it. My education in India was centered mostly on getting good grades and exam performance. So I became very good with theories, not so good when it came to actual applications. This is one of the drawbacks of an Indian education, when compared to the Danish style that allows the students to experience their lessons first hand through experiments and application, with the aid of their teacher.

In the overall scheme of things, I have come to believe that both systems of education, though different from one another, have positive attributes that help to create a unique and innovative learning style for their specific nations. That said, I believe that the Indian system of education,when combined with the strengths of its Danish counterpart, will produce a unique kind of student who is strong both in theory and application. I hope to become one of the first student graduates of the combined Indian base education and Danish higher studies.


You can actually use this version that I developed for you in your application. I believe that it best represents the prompt and the information that you wish to provide.It is direct to the point and offers the necessary information without beating around the bush, something that the reviewer will definitely appreciate in your essay. Let me know if you want to work further on this version or if this version is alright with you. I'll be happy to work with you on it :-)
OP Yashwanth 1 / 2 1  
Nov 18, 2015   #7
Hey Louisa,

Thanks a lot for the essay, it helped me a lot :-). I guess the version that you have provided is sufficient.

Regards,
Yashwanth


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