This is my first time I write an essay, please help me to accomplish this. Thank you very much!!!!
STUDYING ABROAD IS NOT JUST STUDYING ABOUT EDUCATION
November 11, 2010, my dream was coming true - studying abroad. I left my country with all my happiness. A few first months, I felt very happy. I thought that Canada was my haven. Everything was OK. I felt very lucky because I had relatives in Canada and they could help me about something. But I soon discovered something that I could not believed. My relatives were not kind person. They were very mean with me. They always yells at me and my sister even we did not do anything wrong. I was shock when I heard that they didn't want my sister and I stayed in their house. They just wanted to push us into work and wanted us to pay for them by our salaries. I realized with them money was a big deal. They did not stop at there. They did not stop at yelling at us, they also called to my country - Vietnam and complained with my family about something we did not do. Everyday, before going to sleep, I always had cried. I looked on the sky and I saw some airplanes. Before, when I was in Vietnam, when I saw an airplane I always wished that one day I could go abroad. Before I fell asleep, I always asked my Mom that maybe when I woke up could I be in Canada. I know that I can not see, can not meet, can not hug and can not eat together... Every afternoon, While walking on street to go to my aunt's house, I feel so cold. I don't know that is the cold of the weather or the cold in side myself.
That is when I was at my aunt's house. But when I was at school, everything is opposite. The people in my school, they are very kind. They help me very much. The first day I went to school I was so shy, I could not speak. I was not confident about my English so I did not want to speak or make friends with anyone. However, after one month I felt more confident. And until now I really feel confident when I speak English.
Anyway, I discover that studying abroad that not mean I just study about education. After six months in Canada, I learn and know about how to take care myself. Now, I know how to make friend and communicate with other people without the same mother tongue. Even today I can use the internet to surft the information I want, but if I have a chance I really want to experience and learn more about real experiences. "Travelling forms a young man, travelling widens one's horizon" . Studying abroad, I was learned about something about the culture, the good way that people make and do something and some real experiences. The important thing I was learned is a lesson about hearts even they are the member of my family. That is a very good lesson maybe I can not be learned if I did not study abroad. So, even I've already known it's very hard, I still want to study abroad. I want to try hard with all my best. I want to learn about real experiences. I don't want to make my Mom and my Family in Vietnam upset. I just want to come back to my country after I graduate and have a good job. Finally because my country is a depand country, so I really want to study abroad, learn something good and afterthat when I come back to my country I can help my country and other people.
Hi, Your essay is ok, and uses good person anecdotal evidence. However here are some suggestions as to how you could re-arrange and re-word some things so they have grammatical structure.. :)
Suggestions in BLUE
On November 11, 2010, my dream was coming true - studying abroad to study abroad, came true. I left my country, Vietnamese with all my happiness, and within the first few months, I felt very happy(maybe you could talk more about why you felt happy...or some of the things that made you you happy) , Everything was going ok, and I was very lucky to have relatives living in Canada who I felt could help me with "something"(you can talk more about what things you thought they would help you with..eg: support with food, transport, your education? those kind of things. I thought that Canada was my haven. But I soon discovered something that I could not believed . My relatives were not kind personpeople , Tt hey were very mean withtowards my sister and I .
Good Luck!
It looks nicer if you do this: okay
Everything was Okay. I felt very lucky, because ...
I had relatives in Canada and they could help me about something what do you mean to say here?
But I soon discovered something that I could not believed believe.
My relatives were not kind person people.
But when I was at school, everything was opposite. The people in my school they are very kind.
Anyway, I discovered that studying abroad does not just mean I study academic subjects. After six months in Canada, I learned about how to take care myself.
Please practice typing the sentences again. Type them 10 times each so you can remember the correct grammar. Try changing some of the words in the sentences and typing them again:
My relatives were not kind people.
My teachers were not wise leaders.
My pens and pencils were not effective weapons.
PRACTICE!! You can improve a lot at EssayForum.
:-)
