TOEFL - studying art and music will develop one's mind

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students
should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use
specific reasons to support your answer

From my point of view, all students should be required to study art and music in secondary school for two reasons.

First, studying art and music will develop one's mind. These two subjects are very deeply influenced by nature. Art is representing the beauty of our surrounding world, the beauty of our bodies, the magnificent wildlife. It can bring to everybody all pleasant views from all over the world without the need of expensive travelling. Art can show them new knowledge about historical events or about different geographical places. For example when I was in secondary school it was more easy for me to understand middle age European history with the help of paintings from that era. It was more convenient for me to read about something and after that to see a painting describing this particular event. The music from these particular years also showed me a glimpse from these past days.

On the other hand music and art can represent all this beauty which is hidden for the eyes. It is showing deep feelings, which were the driving force for the author or the compositor to create any of the world's masterpieces in these genres. Music can express all these feelings which are so natural to everybody - sadness, depression, excitement, confusion and etc.

Second, knowing a little more for these two genres - art and music, could be the driving force for every school boy or school girl to express oneself. Depending on the interests he or she may use musical instrument or a brush to express what is happening in his or her mind. To express all these feelings that can bother them. Studying music and art could be very good therapy against most psychic problem which are common for children nowadays. When parents don't have enough time for theirs children, due to hectic days we all live in, children are not so open to express themselves. I think that they are more depressed and more lonely than before. Art and music can be excellent instrument for the children to express their feelings. For example, when I was in 10th grade I started playing the guitar. After a while I started to express my attitude with the help of music. When I was sad, my melodies was sad, when I was happy my melodies was happy too.

The music and the art are a language which is common for all the people around the world and therefore it is brilliant way of communication. So for these reasons, I believe that all students should study art and music in secondary school.

Thank you in advance for your comments or rating!
Regards
Boris

Thank you Duminda for your quick response!

I will try to correct my introduction. However, how would you rate my essay? Where I am at this stage of my preparation?

Thank you once again!

Well, I am not very good at rating your essay. However, I can certainly help you with aligning your essay structure that would earn you a very good score.

It can bring to everybody all pleasant views from all over the world without the need of expensive travelling.

On the other hand music and art can represent all this beauty which is hidden for the eyes.abstract in nature.


This is not a sentence.

Studying music and art could be very good therapy against most psychic problems which are common for children nowadays.

When parents don't have enough time for theirstheir children,

For example, when I was in 10th grade I started playing the guitar.

When I was sad, my melodies waswere sad