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IELTS Writing task 1 and 2. Task 2: Studying chosen occupations in high school


nhathao1211 1 / -  
May 25, 2021   #1
Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that ivolve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subjects.

To what extent do you agree?



Nowadays, more and more students want to pursue vocational careers such as those involving cooking or baking rather than learn the others. They, therefore, decide to learn their chosen jobs right in high school. This trend is different from the general trend that leads to some controversies in society. As for me, I hold the view that they should study their major subjects in high school rather than start their career early. This essay will discuss this viewpoint and explain why I disagree with it.

First of all, when students choose their vocational careers and start to learn them in high school, they can not concentrate on their major curriculum. Research shows that when pupils spend their time on vocational education in their high school, they often abandon their regular subjects such as Maths or Science. They, therefore, get bad marks in their record, even can not graduate and must repeat their semester.

Moreover, pupils who choose their career right in their high school years have a big possibility to repent in the future. According to the Saigon Times, 90% percent of young employees from 16 to 20 are not satisfied with their career and want to learn another specialization. They spend their whole high school years learning a vocational major and now they must spend about 4 or 5 years more to learn what they really want. However, these years are more difficult because they are rusty on their knowledge in high school. Therefore, they can not keep up with their peers.

In summary, students nowadays want to start their careers soon, so they learn vocational education right when they are in high school. However, I am against this opinion because this decision can prevent them from concentrating on their main curriculum and they can be fed up with their careers in the future.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,263 3976  
May 26, 2021   #2
This trend is ... controversies in society

There is no reference to such a debate in the original presentation. Avoid adding unsupported claims that could change the original intention. Such additions may affect your TA score.

As for me, I hold the view that ...explain why I disagree with it.

To what extent? Based on your writing. it appears you totally disagree soyou should have used "totally" as the extent response to your disagreement. Without the extent reference, you deliver only a partially accurate response and will not recieve full scoring considerations.

I am against this opinion

Repeat the extent response to restate your opinion in line with the discussion needs indicated in the original presentation.

they can be fed up with their careers in the future.

I'm not sure what you mean by this. To be"fed up" means to be full of anger at a situation. I really doubt that is what you meant to imply. This confusing remark could create a GRA deduction for you and and an additional C + C reduction as well.
huen 3 / 8  
May 26, 2021   #3
''get bad marks in their record'' I think ''in'' should be ''on''
''... because they are rusty on their knowledge in high school.' in this sentence I think it is ''in their knowledge''

But it's just a small mistake, also, I think you should change the structure you used to explain in body two


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