In truth, your restatement is a bit off target when compared to the original. The idea behind the original is that there are various ways to learn to speak the English language. Your presentation asserts that
not only people living in English-speaking countries can polish this language.
So, there is a slight difference in your prompt understanding and restatement but, your response opinion creatively responds to the provided question. That said, there will be some deductions applied to the prompt restatement, but the response essay score should remain untouched.
Your reasoning paragraphs do not support your opinion for the most part. So expect to get a failing score when it comes to correct prompt response format considerations. You are focusing on how English is best learned in an English country, when your response said there were other ways to learn the language. Sadly, the part that applies to your opinion,
the development of cutting-edge technology... improved by practising.
This is the response that should have been developed over 2 paragraphs. The advent of technology and how it assists in language learning, along with another reason, such as learning English at local English language learning centers, would have been the most appropriate and best scoring reasoning methods for your opinion.
The essay fails in responding to the task for the most part. It is not, in my opinion, a passing score essay because of the prompt topic alteration and the majority of the non-opinion supporting paragraphs. You have to remember that your reasoning paragraph score will be based on how well you defend your opinion. That means, you do not make any mention of the opposing opinion. Focus only supporting and strengthening your opinion paragraphs because this is a single opinion essay.