Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home.


jeronimo 1 / -  
Jan 16, 2021   #1
Writing Task 2
Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



It is sometimes argued that learning in groups in a classroom has more advantages than studying online at home. From my perspective, I partially agree with this idea because while group studying might help schoolchildren in terms of social and personal development, taking online courses can save people's money and reduce their chances of contracting many diseases.

Face-to-face communication is deemed to be the greatest benefit of group studying. It is shown in some scientific research that communication in person enables children to build relationships, boost effectiveness, and enhance trust and credibility. Furthermore, studying in a group can help schoolchildren accelerate their learning as a student can help others when they have difficulties understanding something that he/she does understand.

Despite the lack of face-to-face communication, studying online still has various benefits. Firstly, parents can save money as they can cut down on school bus service fees or reduce the amount of used gasoline if they carry their children to school by personal vehicles. Secondly, children can avoid traffic jams which is a time-consuming and harmful problem. For instance, particularly in Vietnam, heavy traffic and carbon footprints from all sources of vehicles are associated with each other which consequently have negative impacts on children's health. Finally, due to the reduction of face-to-face communication, children can minimize the ability to contract infectious diseases through close contact.

In conclusion, I do believe that both learning in groups at school and studying online at home have their merits. While learning at school can help children develop many personal and social skills, studying at home seems to be a reliable solution in terms of finance and health.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,301 3344  
Jan 16, 2021   #2
Well, this isn't really an argument as it is a difference of opinions or points of view. So to say that "it is argued" may be viewed as incorrect by the examiner. The reference point to the discussions must never be exaggerated as it changes the discussion slant of the original prompt. Examiners tend to score down sensationalist references in essays.

It is not really advisable to use a "partially agree" reference for your measured extent response as there is no partial discussion possible for this essay. Why is that? It is a single opinion essay. A partial agreement makes the scoring for "clarity of opinion" lower because your opinion is neither in support nor not in support of the discussion. It says you don't have an opinion. That is why you are asked for a measured response. A better method of responding would have been:

While there are benefits to studying online, I tend to lend my full support to the idea that in - school teaching offers more gains to the students.

Such a response statement is clear, definite in opinion presentation, and lays the strong groundwork for a singular opinion defense in two paragraphs. This also makes it easier for you to develop a better discussion or reasoning paragraph because, as is always the case, it is easier to present a fully developed support for one reason than it is to create a strong comparative argument without supporting a clear opinion.

In your presentation, your first reason was strong, but under explained. That is because, rather than fully explaining the scientific research, you just mentioned it, then mentioned another reason, without explaining the second reason fully. This created an under developed paragraph based on 2 improperly presented reasoning topics. There is no connection between the two that could have increased the C&C score. Then, you went on to defend the second opinion, without clearly explaining the reasons using properly developed examples to support it either. It is just a series of topics lacking in a definite defense. These are the reasons why this extent essay must always be a single opinion defense. Use 2 reasons that support a single opinion in 2 separate paragraphs, you should see the difference and strength in the position you wrote about using that method. You can definitely score better using it.
Priscillia 6 / 13  
Jan 21, 2021   #3
Hi, your essay is pretty good. However, your conclusion can not summarize the general viewpoint because you mentioned too many reasons. Try to give less ideas and explain them more detailed.


Home / Writing Feedback / Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home.