Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

More studying means a better education. IELTS Writing #2 - Boarding schools vs Day schools

Titus14 5 / 11 1  
Jun 27, 2016   #1
Some people think young children can have better education in a boarding school far from home, while others claim that a day school is a better one.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people stated that by sending young pupil far away from their home to boarding schools could help them learn better.
In contrast, there are also parents that prefer day schools. This essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion on this issue.

There is no deny that going to day schools could let children have more time spent with their families. Additionally, the tuition fees of such schools are often cheaper than boarding schools, which many families could afford every child to access to knowledge. However, the daily transportation cost might be high. Furthermore, it'd be also extremely time-consuming if the student has to travel between school and home twice a day.

On the other hand, children of boarding schools could save their time for further studies as they don't need to travel around every day. Moreover, boarding schools usually provide various activities, such as cricket and netball, even after class. Such sports games could strengthen their spirits as well as their social skills. Despite having a chance to win both pride and honour, teaching the participants the correct attitude toward games or even life would be more important to pupils. Although boarding schools could help students form a stronger friendship between them, it may also cause serious homesick problems. However, I believe that the technology nowadays could reduce their anxiety by simply making a phone call back home.

As far as I have concerned, studying in a boarding school or day school has both advantages and disadvantages. Nevertheless, my opinion is that a better education is directly basing on the time students could devote. Therefore, boarding schools, which do not need to consume time on transportation, would be my preference.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 29, 2016   #2
Naomi, I would like to try to asses your writing based on IELTS writing task 2 band descriptors. There are four essential criteria in grading an IELTS task 2 essay. The detailed feedback and assessment would be appeared in the descriptions below. I hope you can follow through.

Task Response:
- It is good to see you have able to address all parts, in this case "both views". However, it is also unfortunate that your second body paragraph was fully covered than others. This should be avoided in the next practice. Moreover, it is indeed you have expressed your position but the development is unclear and no conclusions drawn for each body paragraph. Therefore, your score in this part cannot go further than 5.5

Coherence and Cohesion:
- The information and ideas have been written coherently but there is no overall progression in the introduction paragraph. The overall progression can be the outline of your essay. What is going to be appeared in the body paragraphs. Thus, 5.0 was the maximum score that you can earn for this essay.

In sum, I reckon those two essential marking schemes would be helpful because it covers 50% of your overall score in task 2. I hope you can improve your writing skill in the next practice by considering my feedback above. Good luck Naomi :)

Home / Writing Feedback / More studying means a better education. IELTS Writing #2 - Boarding schools vs Day schools