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Studying at university or college compared to get a job straight after school


thiannie 1 / -  
Dec 2, 2019   #1
Thanks for checking my essay

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

a job quick after school or further education?



Attending higher education such as university or college brings us significant advantages. On the other hand, applying for a job right after high school is also a good way to gain our experience in some cases. Both opinions are very reasonable but I personally think the former idea is the most suitable for many people.

Originally, a big number of students have studied at academe since the education was developed and this number will continue to grow in the future. University and college provide us massive amount of knowledge and help us have deeper learning of our majors. Beside, this environment gives us opportunities to communicate with other students, especially professors and teaching assistants that could offer choices and advice about what you major in. One more benefit of is you have a chance to take part in internships which you can improve your experience in reality.

On the contrary, finding a job immediately after school support you to seek for your personal hidden talents and by interacting with real job, your capability will improve in no time. Specially, you will be considered as having long-term experience or rich-experienced person. Unfortunately, many jobs require certificates in order to apply for it in recent years.

In conclusion, studying in academic education sure has enormous plus points as well as getting a job straight after school but only for a few cases. Having a job like that also reveals various obstacles. As every part of this world is developing, higher education is going to be a compulsory choice for students.

Thian.


  • Sorry for the quality. Because the file was too big, I had to resize it.

  • Sorry for the quality. Because the file was too big, I had to resize it.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,032 371  
2 days ago   #2
@thiannie
I'm here to give feedback on your writing. Don't hesitate to approach once more if you have any other questions.

Firstly, avoid over-explaining pieces of information in your writing. For example, the first sentence could have been trimmed down more as you didn't really need to mention that university and colleges are part of the higher education. These types of information are quite common knowledge, hence reiterating is unnecessary and only adds baggage to your writing.

Be cautious of your usage of punctuation marks throughout. Transitions are imperative because they can make or break how academically-appropriate the formatting of your text will be received.

Furthermore, there's also an imbalance in your text distribution. While the second paragraph was extensively (and even overtly) explained, the third one didn't have much to hold onto anymore. Remember to omit what's irrelevant to have more space for important discussions as this will help you develop a more elaborate mindset.


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