Which paragraph has the STRONGEST AND MOST INTERESTING introduction??!?!!?!?!
GOALS:Introduction to the subject, the aspects you're interested in and why
Any edits on style or grammar are appreciated! If you think anything needs to be combined please say so!
Thanks!!!!
I will give feedback for feedback!
NUMBER ONE
What will you subccumb to? The thought is unsettling and morbid but one will we all encounter some day. Where I live, the dead outnumber the living. During the late 19th century and early 1900's the western suburbs were simply used as a dumping ground for loved ones where citizens would journey from the bustling metropolis that is Chicago to farewell their friends and family. Today the sight of some of these grave stones leaves me restless. Along many of my daily commutes, the sight of these cemeteries leaves me in constant question: Who were these people? What were they're lives like? But mainly: What diseases or aliments plagued them What medical or physiological dilemma robbed them of their life.
But recently medical advancements has been advancing at a pace faster than the world has ever seen, finding cures and radical treatments which has nearly doubled the life expectancy in the past several decades. I want to be a member of this catalyst society. A healer, doctor, shaman, a physician, not for the six-figure salary or the prestige of Doctor be simply because to me the natural sciences are poetry...
NUMBER TWO
As an athlete, singer, honor & AP student, class representative, student & cultural ambassador I have seen life, school and other individuals from various perspectives. My varying interest assured me that I would need a college which accommodated my need to wet my feet in a variety of things while providing me with a highly developed learning experience.
Despite my diverse interest one thing has remained constant: my love for the study of human life...
NUMBER THREE
Before I knew what mascara was, I had run several gel electrophorisis and numerous animal dissections. Even before I was of age to watch PG-13 movies, I had read and annotated countless scholarly research articles and lead a few minor research projects of my own. From a young age, biology has always captured me. As a child, I rejected the typical Barbies and sparkly paraphernalia for any tool which that might help me uncover a cure or unveil a scientific phenomenon...
Haha, I love that you have 3 different starting paragraphs! I tend to struggle with coming with only one!
I like the first one alot actually...especially when you bring in the gravyards (a bit morbid on my part maybe...? :))...however, i also like the third one. It shows you level of interest and passion for the subject. However, if I absolutely had to pick, I would say the first one is my choice.
Good luck with university!
You spelled "aliments" incorrectly in the fourth line. If you were looking for the word, "ailments" just switch the " i " and the " l ". You wrote, "...prestige of Doctor be simply because to me the natural sciences are poetry..." I suggest you change it to "prestige of being a Doctor simply because, to me, the natural sciences are poetry." I do like the first one though, nice job. I am in the need for some feed back myself if you dont mind.
