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The success of a community and people's willingness to limit their personal interests


charpay_k 5 / 13  
Jan 17, 2011   #1
TOPIC:Does the success of a community - whether it is a class, a team, a family, a nation, or any other group - depend upon people's willingness to limit their personal interests?

When people dream a same dream, all becomes one; but if the partners touch an incongruity and burst into fracas, the cooperation will be terminated, spontaneously as foam is stabbed.

Literature bears a world of miniature and insinuates values in daily life. The stirring fiction, Kite Runner, recolors a real story about friendship and partnership, with an open of the kite running race. Amir is the master while Hassan is the servant. Once standing firmly on the racing field, they chased the kite together to gain fame among children for Amir. The two did become one, as their eyesight met on the same kite reel, which was controlled to beat down other vulnerable paper figures in the sky. It is not so much that there should be little self interests in a team as the participants were originally compatible with exactly an identical goal. They ultimately won. If they concentrated on their own different interests, they could not be companies; they should be enemies instead. But anyhow, this was the champion for their group, without any moment that each intended to sate a personal lust but with a common destination to contribute.

While Kite Runner indicates the veracity of the theory above, the plots of the movie, Social Network, wear on a mask of the verso. Mark and Edwardo were the only best friends to each other in the Harward campus. They shared a room, together with an aspiration to construct a castle of IT via an idea of Facebook; Mark acted as the programmer, and Edwardo was cast as the ardent CFO. The collaborations were esteemed the most fantastic combination, to fashion a legend of earning not only popularity in the artificial network but also money in the tangible world. However, before this chimera turns into a fact, their association collapsed, as Mark considered only the rampant clicks on his website while Edwardo should take a great account of the money management in the program. They finally picked up their personal choices out of incompatible thoughts and interest, and sped on the ramification.

Were the member of a community climbing to conflicting mountain peaks, they will never stand the national flag together.

omm13 2 / 6  
Jan 17, 2011   #2
Hi,
I would like to advice some ideas. Btw, I am not a brilliant or smart guy just a normal one. First, in your opening, you use the same word twice in one sentence. It is too bad. You can write like this : " when people share the same dream, all will become one; ... " . And the conclusion, it is very short and not well-developed. No connection to above paragraphs.You should restate your point in conclusion. I won't criticize the contents because I am not an expert. However, your presentation is a bit ambiguous. I found no points.
OP charpay_k 5 / 13  
Jan 18, 2011   #3
Well, I suppose I add enough comments after the plots in the 2nd and 3rd paragraph. Also, when narrating the stories, I have picked up words to strengthen the ideas! How do you think about it?
EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Jan 25, 2011   #4
When people dream the same dream, all (all what?) becomes one; but if the partners touch an incongruity and burst into fracas, the cooperation will be terminated, as spontaneously as foam is stabbed. (I don't understand the last part. Can you compare it to something other than stabbed foam?

Literature bears a world of miniature and insinuates values in daily life.---This is a great sentence, but before you get into using lit as an example to explain your argument, you should make your argument in a clear way. Tell them to what extent you thin a community's success depends on people's willingness to limit their interests.

Were the member of a community climbing to conflicting mountain peaks, they will would never stand the national flag together.

You have GREAT exampless But I think you should lengthen the intro and conclusion. They are the parts of the essay that actually express your message. The rest is just evidence.


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