IELTS; SUCCESS DEPENDS ON THEORITICAL KNOWLEDGE?

Some people who have been successful in the society do not attribute their success to the theoretical knowledge they learned at university. What is your opinion on the factors contributing to one's achivement?

The matter mentioned in the topic question more or less diversified and can lead to two main contrasted positions. However depending on particular reasons and situations one can fall more on a particular side. In so saying, I am in favour of the opinion that nonetheless citizens might success in their majorities or bussiness through a large number of different approachs, I do not agree that the acknowledge from higher education do not play an crucial role in the success. Below are my analyses for such an opinion.

In the first place, among the numerous reasons for the thesis statement above, it can be maintained that from social point of view, some people who would like to study in a university might face to many barries and hurdles if they come from a poor family such as school fees. Therefore, they have to seek other ways for their future life because there are clearly certain advantages to themselves. They aid to ensure earning money to take care of their relatives and when they overcome economic obstacle, it will bring them a lot of opportunites to accrue both expriences and confidence for achievement.

Another angle for us to discuss can be found in the fact that as for the educational aspect, training in higher education development would help citizens develop their skills and talents officially. In deed, when we study in the universites, we will learn a large amount of value lessons from the lecturers. Nevertheless that will take a lot of time and money, people will receive not only good jobs with high salary but also many chances to promote for higher positions.

Last but not least, the disscussion would not be complete if we ignored the fact that a chef is tp a delicious meal what a citizen is to achievement. It is clearly to see that if we want to cook a special meal, we need many features to contribute it such as formula, fresh materials, experiences. As the same way, besides the effords of themselves, people also need other factors to gain the success in whatever they intend to do, as might be expected, there are things like knowledge, experiences, relationships, especiallly is luck. A real achievement is the combination of the features mentioned above.

The variety in life can be seen reflected in the difference in opinion upon an issue. These arguments of couses are clear, so, the answer, I feel lies somewhere in the middle.

In opening a paragraph you should mention the theory or idea itself, don't point it out such as, mentioned above or stated below,..etc.




this is not necessary,replace this with a brief opinion instead


your conclusion is vague, weak and too broad. This is suppose to be the part wherein you further ellaborate your opinion.

there are also a lot of spelling errors observed..

hope this helps...

Well....your response to this task, in my view, should take a different format. It should not be a direct answer, but should be oresented like a well structured essay. This is the structure I suggest;

Introduction - hook, background of the argument, your position
2 body paragraphs - reason + example for holding such position
Conclusion

First, should put commas to separate the sentence to follow easily.



Second,


Third, a complex sentence should only contains two independent clauses. It should be more clear.

Thank you for all help.
Honestly, I think I am not good at this skill now. Thus, I hope I will receive some advices from everybody.
How about my ideas and my grammatical point?
Sincerely!

the ideas are there, you should focus more on restructuring your paragraphs