Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they knew


shirazu 1 / 2  
Jul 20, 2013   #1
Success in an inevitable factor in every one's life. It can be achieved by taking a wide range of criteria into consideration. When it comes to the issue of successful people, Some believe that it is better to try new things, while others maintain the opposite opinion and are more inclined to do what they already knew. A s far as I am concerned, despite some demerits, The latter attitude carries more weight and should be prefered. I will present the prominent facts to support my point of view.

First of all, trying new things can be hazardous. For instance, if we tend to drive a car without any conception of driving rules, it can induce unpleasant aftermaths. In addition, when an apprentice is learning how to take off an airplane, he can not do his best for his first time. Because he is not eligible enough to do that. As a matter of fact, we can not always try new new things especially those with irrecoverable outcome.

There is also a subtle point we must consider. There is no doubt that risks are sometimes effective and they are indispensable in some parts of our daily life. Nevertheless, Risks can make a dealer lose all of his money. In other words, there are people who invest money in a certain project and like to increase their money by taking risks. But it has been noticed that most of them have failed in taking risks and have lost all of their money. So, the more we take risk, indeed, the more risk of losing investment we confront.

Apart from the above reasons, trying new things and taking risks can lead to an inappropriate marriage partner. For instance, I have a buddy who married to a wealthy girl. He believed that marrying to a rich girl help him get rid of poverty and hunger. So, he took the risk and now he is disappointed with the decision he made. Although some people say that marriage to an affluent family can lead to a prosperity in life, but most say that it is a risk and we shouldn't do something impulsively.

To put it in a nutshell, I should say that every one prefers a way to approach success. Some like to try new things but others prefer to do thing according to what they already know. If i had to choose one over the other as more important, I would choose to do what I already knew, according to the reasons mentioned.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jul 20, 2013   #2
Successinis an inevitable factor in every one's life.

... well.... this is what I feel;
Success is the most sought aspect in everybody's life.

When it comes to the issue of successful people,

.... I don't think it is an issue.

When it comes to the issue of successful people, Some believe that it is better to try new things, while others maintain the opposite opinion and are more inclined to do what they already knewknow .

... you can leave that part out completely.

The latter attitude carries more weight and should be prefered.

... Why don't you use direct speech more? It's more clear and interesting;
I prefer not take too many risks by trying new things.

. I will present the prominent facts to support my point of view.

... this is unnecessary and the reader anyway expects you to do that. This does not add value to your essay.
yucky 6 / 9 7  
Jul 20, 2013   #3
Nice job! I can see you've used a lot of academic words. Despite that ,your essay have only one support idea that you've tried to extend by giving three examples. I suppose you need at least 1 or 2 more ideas to make your essay more convincing.

May be you should present the advantages of not taking risk as I see you only said about the disadvantages of taking risks.

Hope this will help!
OP shirazu 1 / 2  
Jul 22, 2013   #4
thank you so much friends


Home / Writing Feedback / Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they knew