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[IELTS] Successful sport professionals and providing high salaries for them


sampath3319 2 / 3  
Aug 26, 2012   #1
Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal of money than people in other important professionals. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion
.

People would succeed in their life if they choose their profession based on their interest. In any nation people are employed in many areas and salary for these professionals is decided upon many factors responsible for attaining such position. According to the topic these professionals are broadly categorized into sports professionals and other important professionals. Such categorization opens a debate on who should be paid more.

Many people hold the opinion that there is nothing wrong that sports professional earn a great deal of money, as these they have to overcome heavy competition among the society to reach a professional stage. Not only have these sport players crossed many bottlenecks and hardships in their life to make their dream come through, but also they have bigger responsibilities on their shoulders, as they represent the entire nation while playing the sport. For instance, consider cricket which is the most renowned game in India. Players from every corner of the country dream of a place in final eleven. Once their place is conformed they earn great deal of money.

Others, however, disagree by pointing out the fact that these sport professionals provide only entertainment to the people and are in no way responsible for the progress of the nation. There are many other important professionals such as people working in military services who strive hard day and night to protect the nation. In addition, consider scientists and government professionals who work hard for the growth and prosperity of the nation. In spite of their major contribution towards the country, they earn much less money when compared to sport professionals.

By considering all these factors, I would like to conclude that it is very important to encourage professionals who work for the nation, by providing high salaries for them.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 26, 2012   #2
People would succeed in their life if they choose their profession based on their interest and skills.

-------------- i did that inclusion because it is one of the main factors contributing to your topic.Good entrance anyways.... :)

In any nation people are employed in many areas and salary for these professionals is decided upon many factors responsible for attaining such position.

I find this sentence is too long and loosely connecting your ideas .... it is not up to the level you display in your writing skills, you write very well :)

Many people hold the opinion that there is nothing wrong that sports professionalsearn a great deal of money, as these they have to overcome heavy competition among the society to reach a such professional stagestatus .

By considering all these factors, I would like to conclude that it is very important to encourage professionals who work for the nation, by providing high salaries for them.

----------- your conclusion seems to be too short and slightly deviated from the topic. The topic is about sports professionals earning more than other professionals. Better if you can establish a link to your topic and give your opinion. For example;

In conclusion, I do not disagree with the idea that the sport professionals deserve their income because they need to strive really hard in their journey towards success. However, I am also of the opinion that other professionals whose contribution is invaluable to the betterment of the nation, should be given due recognition in the society. Therefore these professionals too should be provided with good salaries for their services to the nation.
umasampath54 2 / 2  
Aug 30, 2012   #3
Over all your essay has good structure and content. I have few suggestions for you
1. In introduction state the two sides of the argument clearly and then try to give your opinion.
2. Try to elaborate your examples for each argument.
3. your conclusion is very short try to summarize your essay and give your opinion duminda has given a good example.

all the best


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