IELTS TASK 2: Violence in the media promote violence in society. To what extent do you agree?
Nowadays, many people across the world enjoy all the services provided by media included violence. Though many people argue that media are interesting and entertaining tools, I strongly agree that such entertainment present hardness.
Media show many programs containing much information and entertainment. Some of them definitely look for television or the internet serving up-date information and entertaining program in their leisure time. BBC news and VoA can be the example programs used to obtain useful information from media. Turning to entertainment, it can be exemplified by American Idol channel evoked worldwide people to watch. As a result, they enhance their knowledge either in national or international part through the news and entertaining programs watched.
On the other hand, developed media likely publish violence to public through TV program and movies even though they are controversial. They are set like this because many people are really interested in violent program or films. Osborn in Medialit.org states that violence is the foundation of many films, TV movies, and action series. In fact, violence is often synonymous with "action." Regarding to this quotation, violence through media can be felt among adult, adolescent, and children unconsciously even by watching cartoon movies. The wickedness done by the actors and actresses will be dire for their attitude, whereas sometimes it is ignored.
To sum up, media shows wonderful and attractive channels, yet I would agree there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate these promote violence to the society. If the society does not pay attention to this case, they cannot filter the harmful thing from it, and it will affect behavior of surrounding people especially their children.
Hi Tria, your essay has good grammar and meaningful sentences.
Here are my contributions.
Nowadays, many people across the world enjoy all
provided by media includedincluding violence
Though many people argue that media are interesting and entertaining toolsgive us entertainment ,
I strongly agree that such entertainment present hardness. ( For an argument , a better sentence is " I strongly disegree to that notion") and also you can add the reason for it as a part of the introduction.
Some of them definitely look for watch television or use the internet serving up-date forupdating information and entertaining program in their leisure time entertainment in the leisure time.
On the other hand, developed media is likely to publish violence to public through TV program (s) and movies even though they are controversial. They are set it like this because many people are really interested in violent violence in programs or and films. Osborn in Medialit.org states that violence is the foundation of many films, TV movies, and action series. In fact, ( a good connective usage) violence is often synonymous with "action." Regarding to this quotation, violence through media can be felt among influenced by adult, adolescent, and children(,) unconsciously even by watching even cartoon movies. The wickedness done by the actors and actressescharacters will be dire for their attitudethem to do so , whereas sometimes it is may be ignored.
HI Nurtria, judging from this essay, I must say that there are only very few corrections to be done in your essay, however, this minor details are very crucial in order to perform a well written essay.
The ideas you presented are backed by absolute reality, base on facts and therefore the focus of your essay should be on the construction of your ideas.
Indeed, the media has a huge role in shaping the society, violence is an added advert to its effects,the media is responsible for showing the society certain facts and examples, therefore, a great amount of responsibility is within their wing and they should act accordingly.
Overall, it is a good start and I hope that you practice writing more often and observe the corrections made on your essay so that the next essay will be better.
Nowadays, many people across the world enjoy all OF the services provided by media included violence.
Media showS many programs containing much information and entertainment
Dear writer,
I would say that your writing is really well done. It is someway between 7.5 and 8 IELTS band. You're coherent, accurate and you properly answer to the task with only few occasional errors.
The only correction that I would make is that when you say " They are set like this .. " you are using too much a colloquial form which brings down the tone of your essay, which otherwise would have been perfect.
Try to avoid colloquialisms as much as you can, since your writing is really good.
I also like your conclusion, it's direct to the point and you strongly clarify your view on the topic.
