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Writing 2: It has been suggested that everyone in the world wants to own a car, a TV and a fridge.


Arlen 20 / 40 3  
May 4, 2017   #1
It has been suggested that everyone in the world wants to own a car, a TV and a fridge. Do you think disadvantages of such a development outweigh advantages?

the evolution of human needs



The desire of having own items is human nature. With the boost of economic development and the growing number of advertisement, raise the desire of having more and more products. Whether owing a car, a TV, even a fridge is essential or not, I think the drawbacks are by far than the benefits for following reasons.

First of all, these kinds of products are certainly not necessary. I suppose the first thing people should consider before purchasing is that are they must to have? Since people are easily manipulated by ubiquitous media, which persuade people to buy the goods they actually do not require. Moreover, some people consume beyond they can afford, inevitably causing the debt they have no ability to pay.

The second reason for the negative influence of this development is that it widens the gap between rich and poor people. The encouragement of having own vehicle, entertainment and electronic appliances raise the desire which can only fulfill by the wealthy instead of the poor. Under such situation, jealousness, unfairness and anger emerge.

Some people may argue that the purchasing stimulates the economic. It can be partial right, however, the reasonable consumption id limited in an affordable range, which means, the over-budget consumption generate the bad consequence, dragging the economic dramatically.

To sum up, the over-chasing of owing products is not encouraged. People should evaluate their financial condition and think twice before action.

Eng Phin 6 / 14 6  
May 4, 2017   #2
@Arlen
You have already presented your opinion quite clearly. The reader can easily understand that from your point of view, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

However, to make your essay looks even better, you might need to add a body paragraph containing the advantages. Seems like I cannot find it. Basically, to make your argument valid, you have to look at both sides, and then give a conclusion in the form of your opinion.

Some tips for you:
- For the body paragraph, put the points that is opposite to your argument first, and then explain the points you support at the next paragraph. This way, the writing will be stronger.

- Put more points on the opinion that you support, and less on the opposite. For example, 3 disadvantages to 2 advantages.
- At the conclusion paragraph, give an even more obvious argument, such as "Even though there are some advantages, however, I would argue that they are outweighed by the disadvantages."

Hope this helps.


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