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Suggestion for adolescents to take a job for a gap year between school and third-level education


sharfina 35 / 21 5  
Jan 8, 2016   #1
Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

Every person needs a job to be well-rounded. Whilst some people render a suggestion for adolescents to take a job for a gap year between school and third-level education since this makes them to gain easy access to be accepted in reputable prestigious universities, others believe it is unacceptable since this may interupt their social lives.

Apparently, joining with company after people aged 13-18 in their a gap year between school and university gives them greatly benefit related to ample opportunities to be accepted in high-standard university. BBC News reported in January 2015 that 70% of young people who easily earned LOA ( Letter of Acceptance) from Oxford University have had a working experience. The university is very selective in student recruitment and it prefers students having working experience since they are more likely to be well-informed in comparison with those who do not work. As a result,experienced young people are bound to have an immense chance to be accepted in top-ranked university.

However, working in that period comes to an abrupt withdrawal of social life relationship. There seems a busy day with heavy workload. A 2013 recent Harvard University study conducts that 90 % of people working after graduated from their school in Beijing, China had felt a sense of alienation among their peers since they have to spend their time working in a 40-hour timetable per week. This resulted in poor social relationships.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the idea of pople in their leisure time after graduating from their school is the most valued. However, a dire consequence should be taken into account because this affects emotional development. It is imperative that they should manage a balance life.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 9, 2016   #2
Every person needs a job to be well-rounded. Whilst s Some people render a suggestionfor adolescents THAT HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATES NEED to take a job for DURING a gap year between school and third-level education since this makes them to gain easy access to be accepted in reputable prestigious universities BETTER PREPARES THEM FOR ADMISSION TO REPUTABLE UNIVERSITIES, others believe it is unacceptable since this may interupt INTERRUPT their social lives.

Apparently, joining with A company after people aged 13-18 in their DURING a gap year between school and university gives them greatly benefit HOLDS GREAT BENEFITS related to ample opportunities to be accepted in TO A high-standard university. BBC News reported in January 2015 that 70% of young people who easily earned A LOA ( Letter of Acceptance) from Oxford University have had a working experience. The university is very selective in student recruitment and it prefers students having WHO HAVE working experience since they are more likely to be well-informed in comparison with TO those who do not work HAVE NOT WORKED. As a result,experienced young people are bound to have an immense A BETTER chance to be accepted in OF BEING ACCEPTED TO A top-ranked university.

However, working in that period comes to an abrupt withdrawal of social life relationship RESULTS IN SOME SOCIAL PROBLEMS. There seems a busy day with heavy workload. A 2013 recent Harvard University study conducts CONDUCTED SHOWED that 90 % of people working after graduated GRADUATING from their school in Beijing, China. THE GRADUATES had felt a sense of alienation among their peers since they have to spend their time working in a 40-hour timetable per week. This resulted in poor social relationships.

The aforementioned evidence shows that the idea of pople in their leisure time after graduating from their school is the most valued. However, a dire consequence should be taken into account because this affects emotional development. It is imperative that they should manage a balance life.

- This conclusion is confusing, lacks logic, and needs to be revised in order to present a better summary, restatement of the prompt, and conclusion.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jan 12, 2016   #3
Every person needs a job to be well-roundedJob experience shapes people's characters . Whilst A SUCH, some people render a suggestion for SUGGEST adolescents to SHOULD take a job for (...) education since this WAY makes HELPS them togain easy access to be accepted EASILY GET in reputable prestigious (...) since this may interupt INTERRUPT their social lives.

Apparently, joining with company after people aged 13-18 in their IN a gap year between school and university gives them YOUNGSTERS greatly AN IMMENSE benefit related to (...) high-standard INTERNATIONAL university.

The university is very selective in student recruitment ( A COMMA) and it THEY prefers students having WITH working experience since they THESE STUDENTS are more likely ...

... people are bound to have an immense A BETTER OPPORTUNITY chance to be accepted GET in top-ranked university.

However, working in that period comes to (...) This resulted in poor social relationships.
THIS PARAGRAPH IS GOOD. YET, THIS IS LITTLE OFF-TOPIC. I THINK YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH THE IDEAS:
- Taking off time studying
- Difficult to adapt in academic life
- Others stuck in temporary situations
- Results in low degree individuals

The aforementioned evidence shows that (...) they should manage a balance life.
THIS CONCLUSION FAILED TO REWORD THE THESIS. I SUGGEST REWRITING THIS SO AS TO ALIGN WITH YOUR THESIS.


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