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IELTS - under suitable administration, tourism enhances local economic development


Len_hart 1 / 1  
Oct 26, 2014   #1
Hi, everyone.
Please help review my essay. Because I am going to take the examination of IELTS after several months. I have been preparing the reading and listening for two months. But I stared learning writing skills days ago. I hope I could improve my writing bond through this community like this, because I don't take any lectures for IELTS. THANKS!

Introduction:
Tourism is a multibillion-dollar industry that supports economic development. However, some people think that it causes too much damage to the local environment and culture. What do you think?


My essay:
Tourist trade is becoming a powerful engine for economy. Nevertheless, some individuals believe that this opinion ignores the disaster, resulting from tourism, to the local environment and culture. While it seems that both of the ideas make sense, my view is that, by being managed properly, booming tourist industry is a bonanza for the local, especially for rural areas.

The most obvious merit is that tourism can vastly boost economic development in a particular state or region. This happens, not only through direct expenditure from tourists, but also because of the increasing tax and the rise of local markets for accommodation, luxury goods and so forth. What's more, tourist trade also create a considerable number of jobs in different sectors, such as hotels and transport. This increase of job opportunities allows more people to make significant contribution to society through the purchasing of commodities by their growing incomes. As a result, this generates local economic prosperity in return.

Some people may oppose these, citing the environmental and cultural destruction caused by the tourism. In fact, compared to tour industry, other alternative industries, like resource extraction and manufacture, are far worse. For instance, paper mills pour hundreds and thousands of tons of contamination into rivers, causing severe water pollution. On the other hand, the dramatic majority of tourist, particularly those tend to spending a wealth of time and money locating and visiting rustic villages, are well educated. It is illogical to believe that these rational folks will not conduct themselves decently if required to do so.

In conclusion, as I see it, under suitable administration, tourism create far more advantages than disadvantages. It enhances local economic development. In addition, its drawbacks are not so critical as antis considerate.

Taylor_Cole 2 / 5 1  
Oct 26, 2014   #2
Tourist trade is becoming a powerful engine for economy.

It should be for THE economy.
"While it seems that both of the ideas make sense, my view is that, by being managed properly, booming tourist industry is a bonanza for the local, especially for rural areas." I would revise this to be a little more concise, it also lacks necessary articles such as THE booming tourist industry. Finally, for the local what? If you mean the people, it should be "locals". Your ideas are good though!
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 26, 2014   #3
Firstly, i like the word bonanza. Therefore, attempt utilizing more frequently
Secondly, do not forget to mention some examples to consolidate your essay.
jkhalifeh93 2 / 17 4  
Oct 26, 2014   #4
I have rewritten your essay with corrections:

Tourist trade is becoming a powerful engine for the economy. Nevertheless, some individuals believe that this position ignores the ecological and environmental destruction, as a result of tourist activities, and its adverse effects on local communities and ecosystems. While both positions seem reasonable, my view is that, through proper management and regulation, a booming tourist industry is an excellent source of economic growth and wealth for rural and urban areas.

The most obvious merit is that tourism can vastly boost economic development in a particular state or region. This takes place, not only through direct expenditure from tourists, but also because it provides direct and indirect jobs to the community, including retail, agriculture, and in the service industry. The increasing tax and the expansion of local markets for accommodation, luxury goods amongst others are also a result of a solid, well-regulated tourism programs. Furthermore, tourism provides a considerable number of direct and indirect jobs to the community, including retail, hotels, transport, agriculture, and in the service industry. This increase of job opportunities allows more people to make significant contribution to society through the purchasing of commodities by their growing incomes. As a result, this gives energy to the economic cycle, generating local economic prosperity in return.

Some people may oppose these, citing the environmental and cultural destruction caused by tourism. In fact, compared to the tourism industry, other alternatives, like resource extraction and manufacture, are far worse destroyers. For instance, paper mills pour hundreds and thousands of tons of contamination into rivers, causing severe water pollution. On the other hand, the dramatic majority of tourist, particularly those who tend to spending a wealth of time and money locating and visiting rustic villages, are well educated. It is illogical to believe that these rational folks will not conduct themselves decently if required to do so.

After careful consideration of both sides of the argument, the tourism sector is desirable for its important socioeconomic advantages. In conclusion, it is evident that under suitable administration, the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks.
OP Len_hart 1 / 1  
Oct 27, 2014   #5
Thank you!I see, maybe, I should spend more time on grammar...
zzwestmanzz 3 / 4 1  
Oct 28, 2014   #6
While it seems that both of the ideas make sense, my view is that, by being managed properly, booming tourist industry is a bonanza for the local, especially for rural areas.

You can devide it into 2 sentences, it make readers tired.
This happens, not only through direct expenditure from tourists, but also because of the increasing tax and the rise of local markets for accommodation, luxury goods and so forth .

I think you should rephrase this and use other kind of structures.


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