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dynaranjani 27 / 24 18  
Feb 3, 2016   #1
Should drug addicts be jailed or rehabilitated? Discuss both views and give your opinions.

This world consists of a dozen ways to penalize a guilty man. This provokes a dissent in a society as everyone has a different point of view. While some people claim that drug addicts should be jailed, others think the best way to get rid of drugs is through rehabilitation. In this issue, I am going to state that I am into the latter idea.

The general view has been that drug addicts should be arrested. By doing so, it is believed that they are able to stop using narcotics. BNN, National Anti Narcotics Agency headquartered in Indonesia, has focused on combatting drug spread by capturing its users as well as the sellers and sending them to prison. This approach has helps government to overcome several problems caused by narcotics, such as crimes and road accidents. However, I argue that such approach is totally ineffective since drug users tend to fall back again into the same mistake after being free from jail.

The other measurement used to punish drug addicts is by treating them in a hospital. This method seems to suit them since it uses psychological approach rather than locking them up. James Gilligan, a psychiatrist and professor, in New York Times explained that a prison should aims to restrain those who are violent, while in a drug case, the best way to help them is by changing their behavior so that they can return to the community. I definitely agree with this kind of punishment because naturally, narcotics seem to suffer a lot from the absence of drugs, therefore, what they actually need is a directive in order to change their reliance towards drug.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that in fact, what most people believe in sending narcotics to jail as the best way is utterly unacceptable. For this reason, rehabilitation is seen to be the most effective method because it is more likely to combine a treatment and psychological approach.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 4, 2016   #2
Dynar, the way you presented the introduction made it seem like you were going to discuss the death penalty. Specially since you mention "a dozen ways to punish a guilty man". I suggest that you revise your introduction to better suit the discussion. Drug Addiction, as a crime, does not warrant such a heavy punishment, as you have pictured in your essay. That, however, depends upon the crime enacted by the addict. if his only crime is addiction, then your opening sentence is too heavy, exaggerated, and scandalous in connotation. Just make the discussion simple and stick to the tone of the prompt. The tone of the prompt is light, not overly serious. Bat for the same tone. Exaggeration is never good be it in the spoken or written word.

So, here we go again with the discussion of the body paragraphs. You represented the pro, the con, and properly wrapped up your conclusion. Now, as I keep telling the future exam takers here. Once you finish writing your draft, and provided you have left ample time to edit, go back and read the prompt. Make sure you have discussed all of the points indicated so as not to lessen your possible final score. Your essay lacks a clear depiction of your personal opinion.

It seems like you tried to merge your personal opinion with the discussion of the benefits of hospitalizing a drug addict. However, that is not what the prompt requires. It clearly states that you have to discuss the two opinions, then properly outline your opinion of the discussion somewhere in the paragraphs you have developed. Please go back, clearly highlight your personal opinion, and then have your essay reviewed for proper grading.