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[IELTS] Summarise the information by reporting the main features of cement and concrete production

mandyduong 4 / 9  
Apr 23, 2017   #1

making cement for concrete as constructional materials

The charts depict the numbers of steps and tools included in the process of making cement from which produces concrete as constructional materials. Overall, the cement making process involves four equipment with fewer input materials while the concrete production process requires only one tool with more raw materials.

In the cement making production, limestone and clay are first poured in a crusher to make a combination. This mixture is then blended in a mixer to be thoroughly combined. Next, the blended powder goes through a rotating heater where they are heated to remove moisture. Finally, the powder is conveyed in a grinder to make the fine powder prior to being packed.

On the other hand, in the process of producing concrete from cement, as the one and only step, cement, water and gravel which is small stones in the set ratios of 15%, 10%. 25% and 50%, respectively are mixed in a concrete mixer to be completely blended which outputs the concrete product.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,698 3503  
Apr 23, 2017   #2
Huong, there is no way that this summary can be properly reviewed because you did not provide the illustration that you analyzed before writing this paper. So, I will not score your paper and only offer you a general review. The work that you did suffers because of the lack of proper formatting. You have inconsistent paragraphs in the essay and a number of run on sentences in its place. Kindly remember next time that your essay will only be considered to have a proper paragraph if it is comprised of at least 3 sentences. You actually have a paragraph here that has 4 sentences, which is more than acceptable. The rest however have less than that so those do not qualify as complete paragraphs and you will be scored down for those errors. While it seems like you presented an accurate explanation of the procedure, it would have been better if you had, at a certain point, separated your discussion to better illustrate the point at which the procedures change in the production line. Overall though, this is an excellent effort that just had a few errors that affected the overall summation of the illustration.
OP mandyduong 4 / 9  
Apr 23, 2017   #3
Hi Holt, thanks for your constructive feedback. Since this is the first time I joined the forum, I still figure out how to upload the chart indeed. And your correction just came very fast, so again thank you very much. I'll re-correct and re-upload it. Best
Anhy chan 12 / 23 1  
Apr 26, 2017   #4
Hi @mandyduong , I have read your writing carefully. This then several suggestions for you:
1. Try to use passive sentence to reveal the information on this essay, because it is about process.

2. Pay attention on the way you compose each sentence in a proper way. It seems to me that there are several sentence with inappropriate structure then makes me confuse as a reader. For instance in the first four sentence in paragraph 2

3. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences, that is why, you should applied it in the third paragraph in order to make it perfect.

4. Learn more about 'phrasal verb' to boost your score in lexical resource and use uncommon vocabulary to get a high score in this category.
agus_mono 13 / 23 2  
Apr 26, 2017   #5
hy, @mandyduong. i have read your writing deeply. unfortunately, you did not upload the question and its picture(s), so i can make sure the data that you presented was true. i may focus on your grammar. firstly, pay attention your 'four equipment' phrase, is better if you add 's' in the end of phrase. if you do more this mistakes, you will get no more than 7 on your grammar. secondly, i think your overview is quite good. you may get 6 or more on your task achievement if you write such overview.
Reza_Hidayat 13 / 18 1  
Apr 26, 2017   #6
I have red your essay and I just concern on how you arrange the sentence and your lexical resource since you did not provide the illustration of process. In my point of view, it is good to mention how does process starts and end in your introductory paragraph, and it is better if you use a time transition such as next, firstly/secondly, after and so on. It could help to make your essay is coherently and well organized.

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