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Summary Article - Airbnb launched new service


alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 20, 2016   #1
Airbnb, the company which shook up the world particularly hotel industry because it has sophisticate apps to connecting people who want traveling to many place with people who has house or apartment for rent to them. Recently, the company introduced the new service called airbnb trips. What is that? If previous airbnb just for rent their house but now it also can make owner house became tour guide or host for client. Unfortunately, this service currently implemented only in 12 cities, but the company promised will launched until 50 cities next year.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4247  
Nov 20, 2016   #2
Alfin, your grammar in this essay is horrendous. Due to the grammatical problems, your summary really causes extreme discomfort for the reader. It is hard to assess what it is that you are actually supposed to be saying in this summary because you did not provide a copy of the article that you read either in an uploaded file or a supplied link. The first problem with your summary is that your first sentence is extremely long which makes it difficult to read. You could have split that into 2 sentences. The first sentence could have introduced the company and the second, could explain the app and its functions. While the latter part of the essay is understandable, the lack of proper grammar really forces the reader to reorganize your sentence in his brain, quietly, in order to make sense of what you are trying to say. While it would seem that all of the important information is in the summary, the disorganized presentation makes one consider if all of the important information is really presented. I guess we cannot tell unless you provide us with a way to access the original article.
yurikeyuri 43 / 61 2  
Nov 21, 2016   #3
Hello Alfin, let me give my correction for you

... traveling to many placeplaces(becauses "many" indicate plural noun)

people who hashave the house ("people" indicate plural noun so use "have" verb and must use article "the" for house or apartemet"

called airbnb Airbnb trips.

If the previous airbnb Airbnb (need article "the" and the name of place or instrument or vehicle must write on capital size in first letter)

owner house became the tour guide (need article "the")

company promised will launchedlaunch until 50 cities next year (after modal is V1)

thank you
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Nov 21, 2016   #4
Airbnb, the company which shook up the world particularly hotel ...
TOO LONG AND INACCURATE SENTENCE. BESIDES, IT IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHILE THE WAY YOU COMPOSED IT IMPEDE COMMUNICATION
YOU MAY WRITE:
A company, Airbnb, shook up the world, particularly hotel industry, because its sophisticated apps that connecting people who want to travel to many places with those house or apartment owners who want to rent their property

...... the A new service called airbnb trips.
What is that? If THE previous airbnb[CONCERN ON CAPITALIZATION ISSUE] just for rent their[THIS REFER TO?] houseS [NEED COMMA]but , now it also can make OFFERS A CHANCE FOR THE owner house OWNERS TO became BECOME tour guide or host for THEIR client.

-Unfortunately, this service currently IS implemented only (...) company HAS promised THAT THEY will launched IT until FOR UPP TO 50 cities next year.

many issues you need to concern on, the first and the most severe is about accuracy and meaning of your sentence
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 25, 2016   #5
Hi Alfin, here's another one from my end.

- Airbnb, the company whichthat shook up the - world particularly the hotel industry
- because it has sophisticated apps
- to connecting people who want to traveling to
- for rent to them. R, r ecently, the company introduced
- thea new service called airbnb trips.
- What is that? If previous Airbnb was
- just forto rent their house
- but now it also can also make the owner of the house
- beco me a tour guide or host for client. - Unfortunately, this service is currently implemented only in 12 cities,
- but the company promised it will be launched until 50 cities next year.

There you have it Alfin, a little bit more work needed and keep writing.


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