This summary is extracted from an article published by cosmopolitan.com, on September 2016. The original title is "Would You Spend Rp495 ribu To Look 15 Years Younger? This Shocking New Wrinkle Remover Does Exactly That - Botox Doctors Are Outraged By Her Breakthrough!".
Many anti-aging treatments had been tried by a billion women in the world. They had spent much time and much money to be looked younger in their ages. Many products from many brands just sounded the same result from the reviewer and it made some other women thought that it just a kind of impossible thing to be true. In fact, it was not like that, a story came from Lauren di Flores, a 71 years old grandmother form Bandung, Indonesia. She gave a review about the most tiring period she felt to erase the wrinkles and fine lines on her face and the product that she used was ridiculously expensive. Until the day she found Bellavei, a kind of anti-aging product which the price can be reached by many women, furthermore it gave the amazing and undoubtedly results in 14 days. In addition, Bellavei gave her 100 % guarantee and will return her money if the treatment did not work, Lauren said.
Hi @caca, in my humble opinion you have a great coherent writing. However, there are some suggestions from me that would be better if you avoid repetitive and common words. Therefore, I give you some alternatives words bellow:
Manya myriad of anti-aging treatments.
muchconsiderable amount of money.
younger in their ageswell-preserved / ageless.
ManyPlenty products from manydifferent brands
I hope it can boost your writing skill. Keep up the good work!
Hi Rusell, I would like to think that this is my first review of your essay because I think it is and I hope it is as much valuable and helpful to your revision as the other contributors before me. However, before I do so, I would like to agree that, indeed, todays world and generation has greatly introduced a huge selection of anti aging regimen that women can choose from. Now, I'm a firm believer of natural beauty but hey, tying out some beauty regimen will not hurt, so log as they follow strict health standards.
Moving on, below are my thoughts;
- tried by a billion of women in the world.
- They had spent much time and much money
- to be looked younger in their ages .
- many brands just soundedpromised the
- that it's just a kind of impossible
- thing to be truedo .
- furthermore, it gave the amazing
There you have it Rusell, I hope the above insights are helpful to your revision.
Hallo chacaaa.. Here I left suggestions for your writing. I hope it is as much helpful :)
There is so Many anti-aging (...) tried by a billion OF women in the world.
They had spent much time and much money to be looked younger in their agesin order to look like younger .
.. 71 years old grandmother formfrom(misspelling) Bandung, Indonesia.
She gave a review aboutof the most tiring period she ....
==> appears that about is not the right preposition to use in this sentence.
... can be reached by many women, furthermore,(you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase 'furthermore') it gave the amazing ....
Keep writing :)
