HB is a fifty-eight years old paralyzed woman and wishes to remain anonymous. In 2008, she diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). The disease ravages nerve cells, leaving people unable to control their bodies. The teams around the world have been working to develop devices that are controlled directly by the brain to help people like HB. This devices work by analyzing and reading brain activity and translating it into a signal that can control a computer. However, they found it has been difficult to make this devices fit into patient's daily lives. This devices use electrodes which is placed on the surface of the brain underneath the skull. When brain activity is recorded by the electrode, a signal is fed through the wire to a tiny device like pacemaker. This then wirelessly sends a signal to computer tablet which has been installed by software that can allow tablet to be used in various activities such as communicate. HB volunteered to have the system implanted. The teams implanted the system, and after multiple training sessions, HB was able to generate signal and started to communicate gradually. The teams now have improved the tablet's software and hope to trial the system in other individuals.
Nurul, I have read through your essay and I must admit that this is a good example of a summary! There are several points why I like the above summary as I explained as follows.
First, there is no gap from one sentence to each other which indicate that the ideas are flowing nicely. You know how to restate ideas based on the video you have watched and arranged it structurally. Remember only choose the main points rather than put several details in writing a summary (because this is not paraphrasing; sometimes people are confused with these terms). Second, you demonstrate that you have sufficient vocabularies. No words are being overly used and the use of diction sounds natural as well.
Still, I am a little bit confused with this sentence:
- The teams around the world have been working to ...
The word "The teams" in this sentence refers to who? It is better to state it in detail first.
I hope you will gain valuable information from reading the above notes. I am looking forward to read your next writing. Best regards.
Aloha Nurul, here is my thought;
(1) HB is a(do not use article if you want to mention someone's age) fifty-eight years old [...]
(2) In 2008, she diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis(use capital letter for the first word to mention a name) (ALS).
(3) The disease ravages nerve cells, leaving people unable to control their bodies.(I do not find a matching from the earlier sentence, so utilize a linking word to connect this)
(4) The teams around the world have been workingthe experts begin to develop devices [...]
(5) This devices work by analyzing and readingthe devices analyze brain activity [...]
I hope it can be helpful
Hi Nurul, below are my suggestions for your essay.
- HB is an fifty-eight years old paralyzed ...
- In 2008, she was diagnosed with
- and reading the brain activity and translating
- However, they found that it has been difficult to make
- this devices to fit into the patient's daily lives.
- When the brain activity is recorded
- wire un to a tiny device like pacemaker.
- This then wirelessly sends a signal to a computer tablet
- whichwhere a software has been installed
- by software that can allow the tablet to be used in
- to conduct a trial of the system into other individuals.
There you have it Nurul, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, mind the minor details in your sentence construction such as your linking verbs as well as the proper position of the words in the sentence.
Hello, this is my correction for you.
HB is 48 years old paralyzed women and wishes ...
... translating it into a signal that can to control a computer.
... has been difficult to made this devices fit into ...
HB volunteered to had the system implanted.
..., HB was can generate signal and ...
thanks
