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TED Summary - The Internet Secret


Abrahamlincoln 54 / 56  
Dec 9, 2016   #1
Edward Snowden on How We Take Back the Internet

Edward Snowden is a former National Security Agency staff who revealed confidential data to be accessed publically. His aim was to confide citizens the concealed data despite obliging the USA government to not access the privacy of internet users. While the information was employed to obtain the government's internet, they cooperated with several global companies such as google and Microsoft to transfer their user's data.

Source: youtube
EditorPal - / 19 6  
Dec 9, 2016   #2
What do you mean by "confide citizens the concealed data despite obliging the USA government to not access the privacy of internet users"?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Dec 9, 2016   #3
Lincoln, your summary statement doesn't pass muster in this case. Your title for the summary says it all "How we take back the internet". You did not present the information from Edward Snowden as to how that can be done. He specifically discusses the importance of taking back the internet, why we should value our privacy, and more importantly, how it can be taken back from those who stole our privacy online. All you present in the essay is a background of Snowden and the scandal he is embroiled in. You have not properly represented the full content of the video that is over half an hour long.

Speaking of the length of the video, it is not short at all. So why is your summary so short? You most likely know that this short summary will not get you a passing grade in the actual test. It just doesn't accomplish the task properly. As I watched the video, I came across more relevant information and keywords that you did not represent in this summary. So I am not confident that you would have gotten a decent score on this essay.
kervina 2 / 4  
Dec 9, 2016   #4
Try to rephrase confide citizens the concealed (...) privacy of internet users"?, try making it easier for readers to understand your point

By the way, since it concerns Snowden, try watch the movie, which has been recently released. It will definitely help you for your essay.


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