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TED summary Task Every Kids Need Champion


Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Sep 29, 2016   #1
Rita Pierson, a teacher, spent her entire life either the schoolhouse or the way to the schoolhouse. She is come from educator families, both of her parents are teacher. She taught since 4 decades ago. So she can look at education reform from other views. Some of those changes have been good but some of them have been bad. She argued that poverty, low attendance and negative influences are the common reasons of the kids drop out. She regrets why people never discuss about the value and the vital of human relations. She also said quotes from James Comer that no significant relationship will affected to zero significant learning. Furthermore, she told about her journey taught in which low academically class. She got essential point from his mother experiences. When her mother passed away and so many her mother students came to her funeral. The point is her mother left a legacy of relationships that could never lost.

mdamanhuri77 22 / 35 3  
Sep 29, 2016   #2
She iscomecame from educator families,..
So she cancould look at education reform...
Some of those changes havehad been good but some of them have been bad.
... and negative influences arewere the common reasons of the kids dropdropped out. She regretsregreted why people never discuss ...
... Comer that no significant relationship will be affected to zero significant learning.

hi dioba,,tha's a;; abou my advices for you,,keep writing properly yeah
andika_soppeng - / 16 2  
Sep 29, 2016   #3
She is come from educator families(THIS SENTENCE IS PRETTY CONFUSING TO ME SINCE YOU PUT 2 VERBS SIMULTANEOUSLY,IS AND COME .) She is comeS from educator(...) parents are teacherS. She HAS taught since FOR 4 decades ago . (SINCE IS USED TO MARK PERFECT TENSE) So

,

(put comma here) she can look at educationAL reformATIONS from other views.Some of those changes have been good (avoid high frequency vocabularies) but some of themRedundancy have been bad( high frequency vocabulary) .

She regrets why people HAVE never discussED about the value... ( NEVER IS USED FOR PERFECT AND FUTURE )
She got essential point from his mother experiences( THIS SENTENCE IS PRETTY CONFUSNG TO ME AND YOU NEED TO BE CONSISTENT AS YOU USE SHE AND HIS .

... away and

,

(PUT COMMA HERE)so many her mother studentsa vast number of students' mother came ...
... of relationships that could HAVE never lost.

note:

avoid using high frequency vocabularies
pay attention to subject verb agreement
attempt to utilize complex sentence
e.g: although SV, SV or SV although SV
enhance your lexical resource
PHA2016 39 / 62 4  
Sep 29, 2016   #4
Hello Dioba,

Rita Pierson, a teacher, has spent her entire life ...
She iscome came from educator familie...
Some of those changes have been good but some of them have been bad. [avoid repetion word] She argued that about poverty, low attendance ...
She was regrets (need past tense), why people ...
In addition , She she also said quotes (...) relationship will be affected to zero significant learning.

NB: pay attention to repetition word and tenses

hope these help
fauzankrn 16 / 23 3  
Sep 29, 2016   #5
Hello Dioba,
Here some inputs for you.

She is come from educator familiesFAMILY, both of her parents are teacher. She HAS taught since 4 decades ago. SoTHEREFORE she can look at education ...

Some of those changes have been good but ONLY some of them have been bad unclear sentence .
... and negative influences are the MOST common reasons of the kidsCAUSED CHILDREN drop out.
... people never discuss aboutREGARDING the value and ...
Furthermore, she told about her TAUGHT journey taught in which low academically class.

Good Luck!
alfa7 19 / 26 1  
Sep 29, 2016   #6
Hello Dioba, I want to you obtain my suggestion for your essay, here we go:

... entire life either the school-house or the way to the schoolhouse.

you should use "-" to combine two words as one word has one meaning.

She is come from educator families , both of her ...

be careful with verb plus "s/es" which depends on subject.

... left a legacy of relationships that could never lost.

please becareful with your essay and repeat words, do not use too many repeat words. you can reducing or use adverbial clause.

note: keep writing and go ahead.


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