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Article Summary: Nearly Half of US Deaths can be Prevented with Lifestyle Changes


Fitri12 28 / 53 6  
Sep 19, 2016   #1
Heart disease, cancer, lower respiratory illnesses, stroke and unintentional injuries are considered to be the five leading causes of premature death in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee. According to researchers at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) that those diseases actually can be avoided by making changes to harmful lifestyle such as smoking, drinking and lack of working-out, as well as unhealthy diets and being overweight. Supportive statement is simply stated as well by Frieden, a health official and researcher: "There are far too many places in this country where just by the unfortunate fact that you live there you are much more likely to die from a preventable cause, you don't have to move geographically, but we do have to move in terms of policies and programs." Yes, it is true that a death is definitely inevitable, but premature death surely can be avoided.

Source: time.com/84514/nearly-half-of-us-deaths-can-be-prevented-with-lifestyle-changes/?iid=sr-link2

RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Sep 20, 2016   #2
... Centers for Disease Control (CDC) [comma ] that those diseasesailments actually can be avoided ...

Supportive statement is simply stated as well by Frieden....

despite for those above minor errors, it is evident that somehow you have improved your writing skill. different from your earlier works in this forum, your writing now is better and showing more accurate sentence structure and grammar.

however, there is no such a perfect job, so do this writing. there are many spaces for improvement, particularly on your lexical resource. try to use a wide range of vocabularies, paraphrasing and using similar words more often as it will a chance for improving your lexical resource.

another important thing to mention is, it is good that you use quotation here. but, think about its balance. in this summary, it seems that the quotation is a half length of the whole paragraph.


keep writing, keep practicing and learning. i'm waiting for your upcoming superb summaries


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