Unanswered [31] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Writing a summary on 2 news articles about obesity


Dts007 1 / 3  
Sep 30, 2022   #1
I am a returning student, and I haven't written in years. English is also my second language. I appreciate it if someone can give me some feedback and advice.

The summary should be 100-300 words.



My summary:
The article "Obesity Can Trim 10 years Off Life" (2009) by Nanci Hellmich warns that obesity shortens life, and its effects rival those of smoking. Obesity causes heart disease and stroke which can reduce lifespan depending on whether an individual is overweight, obese or very obese; it ranges from a year for adults who are overweight to as much as 10 years for those who are very obese. The article presents a study reporting that a third of American adults are obese, and these same individuals are continually gaining weight. Finally, the article alerts that obesity is becoming a serious health concern and advises that we take actions now.

Existing beliefs suggest that the obesity epidemic is caused by a combination of inactivity and excess calorie intake, but how much is each contributing to the problem? New research in the article "Too Many Calories Are to Blame For Obesity Surge, Not Lack of Exercise, Claim Scientists" (2009) by a Daily Mail reporter confidently suggests that excess calorie intake is more likely to be the cause of the rise in obesity than a lack of exercise. The study, conducted by Australian scientists at Deakin University, reveals that Americans may have been in fact increasing their amount of exercise over the past 30 years, yet the problem persists and expands. This implies that increasing physical activity as a solution is ineffective. The article concludes that existing and potential health policies should focus on reducing daily calorie intake.

This is 245 words.

Thank you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Oct 2, 2022   #2
The first article does not fully summarize the article effectively as it fails to present a clear idea of the basis of the information presented. What was the study that was used to create the basis of this presentation? Why should that source be believed? Why is it authoritative? The writer should not only focus on the content of the article, for both articles, he must represent the sources that make these information believable.

In the second article, he fails to present the name of the writer, making the full article summary questionable. Both articles do not include the method by which the researches were completed and what pool of participants were involved. So the summary is incomplete and lacking in definitive information.

Such summary writing can be expected of ESL students and those who were not educated in the UK or USA. This is not the type of summarized academic writing that will acceptable at any of the educational institutions of the aforementioned countries.
OP Dts007 1 / 3  
Oct 2, 2022   #3
@Holt
Thank you very much for the advice. I will work on improving it.
Gabriell 4 / 5  
Oct 5, 2022   #4
some of your minor mistakes:
and I haven't written in years: there is a wrong preposition usage here. Replace "in" by "for" when using present perfect.
1st paragraph: overweight, obese or very obese: Though it is just a minor mistake but you should take into consideration. It seems that this sentence contains a series of three or more words, phrases,...Consider inserting a coma to separate the elements: "overweight, obese, or very obese..."


Home / Writing Feedback / Writing a summary on 2 news articles about obesity
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳