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(Summary Article) Being popular is good for health - in monkeys, at least


ded15 6 / 9 1  
Nov 29, 2016   #1
Nowadays, we cannot deny that in our life there is a separation by our power or capability that is called social status. A studying in America has already shown that social status such as wealthy and poor it influence to health and welfare of people, even for monkeys.

Furthermore, a research at the Yerkes National Primate Research Centre at Emory University regarding rhesus monkeys has found that high-rank monkeys tended to have more better of natural killer cells. In the other words, it is mean that monkeys which have higher rank in their group have more better resistance against viruses than monkeys which have lower rank.

Meanwhile, when the monkeys were resorted, at the moment the low-rank monkeys were moved into the high-rank group, and the research found that it very affected to their immune bodies. Their immune bodies which low at the past became more better as their enjoyed their life with their new members in the high-rank group.

source : newscientist

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,149 2303  
Nov 29, 2016   #2
Dedy, let's start with the problem of your topic sentence at the start of your summary. Your paraphrasing or restatement of the topic that the article discussed is all wrong. Since the article dealt with the study of popularity and its health ramifications on monkeys, then you should have presented the same topic in your thesis statement or topic sentence. After all, all of the information you should be presenting must relate to the original information from the article. So you need to further develop and correct the content of that opening paragraph which, by the way, is too short to be considered a proper paragraph length.

Your summary should be at least 3 paragraphs in length because you needed to devote one paragraph to an explanation or summary of the study done on the Rhesus Monkeys. The whole premise of your second paragraph can only understood if you properly summarize and present the social experiment that the scientists did on the monkeys. Without that connecting paragraph, the whole summary becomes confusing and difficult to understand.

When you write a summary essay, always remember to take note of key words and information that you should include in your summary. Any procedures, such as the experiments done on the social hierarchy of the monkeys present key and vital information regarding the results of the study. So when you are presenting a scientific study, it is imperative that you always present a summary of how the experiment was conducted before you present the results. This makes your summary informative, authoritative, and acceptable as fact to the reader. More importantly. It shows that you have adequate English comprehension skills that can assist you in your studies when the time comes.
nda18 46 / 81 9  
Nov 29, 2016   #3
hi, these are my thought towards your summary

Nowadays, we cannotbe deny that in our life, there is a separation by ourof power or capability that is called social status.
A studyingstudy in America has already (...) wealthy and poor it influence to health ...

Furthermore, a research atfrom the Yerkes National Primate (...) rhesus monkeys, has found that ...
In the other words, it is means that monkeys (...) have more better resistance against viruses than low rank monkeys which have lower rank .

... into the high-rank group, and the research found that it very affected to their immune bodies.

Thank you


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