Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

TED Summary: A Rich Life with Less Stuff: The Minimalists


Fitri12 28 / 53 6  
Oct 3, 2016   #1
"Happiness is just around the corner" was a perfect sentence to describe the luxurious life of Ryan Nicodemus, the moment when he had a bright career, sophisticated cars, and a fancy house. Unfortunately, the joyful he wished for had never been there. In contrary, he felt stressful, anxious, stagnant, and depressed. He started questioning the meaning of happiness and success. Luckily, Joshua Fields Millburn, whom then becomes his partner in running a website named theminimalists.com, did him a favor by introducing the concept of 'simplifying life', meaning that living with less stuff, less stress, fewer distraction, more time, more meaningful relationships, more growth and contributions. Not a perfect life as defined by the most of people as making much more money, purchasing more stuff, driving a bigger car and wearing a top designer's outfit, but an intentional life.

Furthermore, he began his life's reformation with a 'packing party' by putting his belongings which he managed to have over the last decades, into some huge boxes, then unpacked later only some items he needs for daily purposes. This finally woke him up, that how useless the rest of goods which supposed to make him happier.

Realizing the importance of his life experiences, he then decided to start writing on a blog with Joshua. Their first visitors were 52 people, and then turned into 500 users, and now over two million readers. From an ordinary blog to an extraordinary website which is intentionally designed to discover people who are rich in different ways, the ones who are willing to contribute to their communities, to encourage everyone to make life's priorities such as health, relationship, growth, and contribution to public rather than checking social media or shopping online, simply to buy worthless items.

Source: ...
By Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields Millburn

Alamsyah Ismail 24 / 43  
Oct 3, 2016   #2
Hello FItri12
i have some advice, attrack your attention if you wish
i hope it can help you

the moment (verb) when he had a bright career,
.....i think this sentence needs a verb to complite it, like begin or began. Depend on the time

then unpacked later only some items (conj) he needs for daily purposes.
.....i think to combine two sentences, you should write conj like that or which
fauziyahtami 22 / 38 6  
Oct 3, 2016   #3
Hi,
hope you doing well, lemme give you some suggestion

==> Unfortunately, the joyful he wished for had never beenthere (happened).
==> Luckily, Joshua Fields Millburn, whomthen becomes his partner in running a ...
==> did (gave) him a favor by introducing the concept of 'simplifying life', (introducing the) meaning (of) that living with less stuff, less stress, fewer --> for countable (less) distraction--> uncountable, you cannot use few ,

==> more time, more meaningful relationships, more growth, and contributions. Not a perfect life as defined by the most of people (such) as making much ...

==> Furthermore, ............. belongings which he managed to have over ...
==> then unpacked later for daily purpose that he needs only some items he needs for daily purposes .
==> This (is) finally woke him up, that how useless the rest of goods which supposed to make him happier. --> that the rest of goods ...

==> Realizing the importance of his life experiences, he then (then he) decided to start ...
Their first visitors were 52 people, and then turned (increased) in to 500 users,..

Good luck and keep writing :)
Iedha01 21 / 40  
Oct 3, 2016   #4
Hi Fitri,
Your summary is excellent. The topic is interesting and informative. However, I noticed some grammatical issues.
-Luckily, Joshua Fields Millburn, WHOM then becomes his partner in ...
( it suppose "WHO" in that sentence)
Thanks


Home / Writing Feedback / TED Summary: A Rich Life with Less Stuff: The Minimalists