Everyone presenting in TedTalk aims for one thing. Joseph Hamoud, the humanitiarian activist, said, they were there due to they believe we deserve the better world. The better world for all of us. Not for Denmark, Europe, or Asia. It is the sad story regarding who live far away from Europe. They are Syrian people.
Joseph asked the audience deeply and very touching about freedom dan conscience. He told the story when 15 children of Syria were killed by the regime in 2011. Whereas the children are not a soldier. They did not write.
Besides, when parents asked their children who were kidnapped by the regime to be returned, Syrian intelligence said they will make a new child for them.
Until now, many civilian were killed because they wanted to get their rights. So, everyone must speak up regarding humanity issue in Syria. Yes, everyone.
The better world is for all of us.
Joseph asked the audience deeply and
very ingtouched about freedom dan conscience.
the way you write has similar way to speech way, please make it more academically
hi @ Afdhel here are my advices.
i have a twice advice to you, pay attention if you wish
they were there due to they believe we deserve the better world.
.....there= adverb of place
......due to= adj
there are 2 subjects and verbs. you shoud use a conj onto your sentence
The better world for all of us
.....there are no verb on your sentence
You have a good summary
I have given you some advices to improve your summary.
Whereas the children are not a soldier sentence fragment 'whereas (sentence), (sentence)
who refer to ?
The better world for all of us sentence fragment ( no verb)
They did not write. Syrian children are unable to write ( this is my suggestion)
Let me share share some ideas regarding to your summary,
I think you should vary your vocabularies in composing sentences. It can boost your mark. Let me show you some examples,
-Hamoud, the humanitiarian activist, said, [...] from Europe. They are Syrian people.
These sentences are not united so I give you this sentence as the example:
-Homoud, the humanitarian, revealed he were there where everyone is reserved to live, then, He convinced that a convenient and safe places are not only for Denmark, Europe, or Asia. It also belongs to Syirian resident.
hi friend i have some suggestion to you
they were there due to....... they believe...... we deserve the better world
It is the sad story regarding which lives far away from Europe.
until now you can use up to now that more academic
Until now, many civilians
i hope it can help you....