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TED Summary : Teach every child about food


andika08 81 / 80 16  
Sep 26, 2016   #1
Causes of death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual. Food revolution need for better future, because of the food many teenagers suffer an obesity. It made them cannot go anywhere. In addition, there is a massive problem that many places provide fast food. For example, the food like pizza. The food is not fresh, because of the time many student eating non-healthy foods at every time which are early morning, afternoon and night. Many children do not know about kinds of vegetables and fruit. They can be taught from home or school. Small children should drink two bottles of milk before going to school. There are some materials that are worse as much sugar in there. There are other foods that contain much sugar. Sugar can effect longer if children always drink it, just form milk the impact for the future become dangerous. People need fresh foods with dishes made from home. While, with the help of government by limiting refined products fast food, it would be good for the future.

Fitri12 28 / 53 6  
Sep 26, 2016   #2
Hi Andika, sorry to say that the flow of your Writing is really confusing.

Causes of death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual. (what do you mean??)

Food revolution need for better future (maybe you want to say: food revolution is needed for a better future)

... teenagers suffer an obesity. (since many teenagers suffer the obesity)
Thank u.
rizaldohabibie 19 / 35  
Sep 26, 2016   #3
hi...
your essay is quite good..
here my suggestions..

need revolution for[to] make them healthy like usual. Food revolution [is] need[needed] for better future,[.]because of [caused by] the food[,] many teenagers ...

i hope it helps..
Datil - / 2  
Sep 27, 2016   #4
Hy there.
your essay is good enough, but you need to improve your vocabulary for increasing your vocabulary score.
==> Try to use ( such as ) when you want to give a cople of examples
==> Many children do not know about kinds of vegetables and fruit(s)
mdamanhuri77 22 / 35 3  
Sep 27, 2016   #5
Causes of death, people need a revolution for makemaking them healthy as like usual. F
... because of the food, many teenagers suffer an obesity. It made them cannot go anywherethey cannot go everywhere because of it ..
For example, the food asas like pizza. The food is not in fresh condition , because of the time many student eatingeat non-healthy foods at every time which are earlysuch asin the morning, afternoon and night.

... of vegetables and fruits .
Small childrenjuvenile should drink two ...
There are some materials that are worse as much sugar in there.
Sugar It can effect longer if children always drink it, just formfrom milk the impact ...
While, with the help of government by limiting ...

hi @ andika08
that's all my advices for you.
Ifan21 22 / 24 2  
Sep 27, 2016   #6
Hey Andika
You have done a great job in writing, but there are some corrections for your essay:

Causesing death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual (simplify by saying "To keep them healthy" ). Food revolution need for better future (This sentence should be in passive form "Food revolution is required for better future" ), because of the food, many teenagers ...

It made a(avoid repetition) them cannot go anywhere.
..., because of ()because of must be folllowed by noun ord noun phrase the time many student eating non-un healthy foods at every time which ...
Small childrenthey should drink two bottles of ...
... are worse as much sugar in there(to which/what "there refers to"? ).
Sugar can effect longer if children always drink it, ...

Thanks
i do hope it is useful for you
best regard
ifan
Iedha01 21 / 40  
Sep 27, 2016   #7
Hi there,
Let me give you some inputs regarding to your summary,

-Causes of death, people need revolution for make them healthy like usual(it sounds awkward. You suppose to say = The increasing number of death is a precursor of revolution regarding to health)

-Food revolution need for better future, [...] made them cannot go anywhere ( Obesity is one of the unhealthy life style, especially for teenagers. It causes they are not able to be active. Therefore, it needs food revolution)


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