By Aziz Abu Sarah
He is a Palestinian and he grew up in Palestine. However, he did not want to be a soldier when he was a child. He realized that revenge should only build a wall separating people to others. B the time, he has decided to dedicate his life to establish peace in his country. He has thought about sort of ways to do that. Eventually he found that tourism is one of the ways to make his dream come true. He believes that tourism can build friendships. He gave an example from his experience when he founded a tour aimed to connect people. He had two tour guides who are an Israeli and a Palestinian. During the tour they co-operate to tell their history, archaeology, narrative, and conflict differently. However, tourists who join in the trip absolutely enjoyed their vacation. They tasted Palestine's traditional food made by his mother and listened Israel's original music together. As the result, tourist's relationship that made because of this trip has still existed in these days. In conclusion, he said that tourism which has direct interaction with local inhabitants can build peace worldwide.
Greetings Mrs. Eka Lamar Syari
He is a Palestinian and he grew up in Palestine.
He realized that revenge should only build a wall ...
By the time, he has decided to ...
He believesbelieved that tourism can buildbuilt our friendships.
... experience when he founded a tour aimed to connect people. He had two tour guides who are were an Israeli ...
... narrative, and conflict differentlyeach other . However, tourists who joined in the trip absolutely ...
As the result, tourist's relationship that made was bonded up because of (using "because of" is always followed by noun, not clause) this trip has still ...
... interaction with local inhabitants can buildcould built peace worldwide.
Please check the tenses, it is past tense or present participle. it would be a problem if the story occur in the past only. because using participle means that the time occur in the past until now.
also pay more attention on changes between past, participle and present.
That's all, thank you
CMIIW
Hi Eka, the detailed descriptions below are my feedback towards your video Summary. I hope you can follow through.
- He realized that revenge shouldwill onlybuildcreate a wall that separateseparating people tofrom others. (pay more attention on the meaning)
- B theAt that time, he hashad decided to dedicate his life...
- He has thoughtwas thinking about sort ofsome ways to do that.
- Eventually, (comma is needed) he found that tourism...
- He believesbelieved that tourism can build... (be more consistent in tenses usage)
- During the tour, (comma needed) they co-operated to tellshare their history...
- However, tourists who joined in the trip absolutelyenormously, greatly, hugely, immensely, really, thoroughly, tremendously enjoyed... (inappropriate collocation, I gave you some alternatives)
That's it Eka, if you consider all of the feedback that I've given to you, I think it would be beneficial towards your writing development later on. Good luck for the next practice :)
