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IELTS: Supermarket versus local community stores


riteshsinha 3 / 7 2  
Feb 3, 2019   #1
Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree?

the coexistence of large and small stores on one market



With the proliferation of supermarkets, it has been hard for single stores and local businesses to keep up to the pace of the market. Some think that this may impact adversely to the local communities; however, I think that despite having a negative impact of burgeoning business of supermarkets, mom-and-pop stores are deemed to survive. Here are my analysis on this.

Although supermarkets are back by corporate giants with best in class business acumen, a lot of time they fail to understand the local household needs. Local businessmen have acquired the knowledge while evolving their society and passing the baton through generations. This has led to building of a tacit understanding between the residents and community shop owners rendering to create an emotional connection and relationship between them. Another reason that will help these businesses survive is their proximity to the house. Supermarkets are huge in size and require large area where it can be built. This impedes them to exist near to a lot of household. Smaller shops will be in a better position when one needs to buy few items under time constraint.

Advocates of the supermarkets on the other hand argues that the freebies and discount offers given by the supermarkets are going to attract a lot of businesses. With the support of investing behemoths, they will keep offering the discounts for a longer period of time gradually killing the smaller players.

To each their own.One might assume that the boom in supermarkets is going to be lethal for the smaller community businesses, these will continue to survive the storm and will always make their place in the market.

Holt - / 7,593 2001  
Feb 3, 2019   #2
Rites, this essay will immediately receive a failing score for the TA section, which means the essay will not have a chance of getting a passing score once all other errors in the presentation are considered individually, then overall. The reason this happened is because you totally changed the prompt discussion instructions and presentation requirements. Look at the following comparison to get a better idea of why the essay would fail:

Original Question: Some people think... death of local communities. To what extent do you agree?
Your Response: I think that despite having a negative impact ... Here are my analysis on this.

Why are you analyzing the given discussion when the requirement is for you to agree or disagree with the given discussion statement? You totally misread the discussion requirements and because of that, you presented an irrelevant discussion within the essay paragraphs. Your response should have clearly responded to the question by either agreeing or disagreeing with the given discussion point.

This should have been discussed as a single opinion essay. The way that you wrote this essay would have been more appropriate for a Task 1 essay since you are offering an analysis. It could have also applied partially to a "discuss both opinions and give your opinion" of the given topic instruction. It does not apply to an extent discussion essay.
OP riteshsinha 3 / 7 2  
Feb 12, 2019   #3
Thanks for your feedback.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 457  
Feb 12, 2019   #4
Helloo there ...,
Let me give you my view towards this essay. For a start, I see that you attempt to start writing your first paragraph by introducing the issue. However, I dont see you state the thesis statement clearly although you have tried to paraphrase the prompt. Let me give you an example: The development of local shops is being stagnated since multinational supermarkets are growing faster and tend to negatively affect the local community. (background information) Therefore, it is agreed that since local markets cannot compete with giant supermarkets, this is more likely to rise the number of unemployment rates and drain a locality's economic. (thesis statement)

If you write for an IELTS essay, it is mandatory you need to show a fully-developed example as to support your claim in the body paragraph. Here you left the example.

In the paragraph 3, you need to add more detailed sentences as to discuss the issue in-depth. If you peruse such a paragraph more closely, then you will see how sentences to sentences are lost in coherence.

To each their own.

I am not sure what you are tying to say here. But for me, when it comes to the concluding paragraph, you need to use "a conclusion signal" to show you are about to end your essay.

Hope this helps

Eddy Suaib, an IELTS teacher of English Studio - IELTS Kampung Inggris Pare Kediri, Indonesia


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