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IELTS Task 2 - Support opinion - Why is physical education important?

Tran Minh Hien 4 / 11 3  
Oct 6, 2017   #1
Topic: Most schools offer some types of physical education programs to their students. Why is physical education important? Should physical education classes be optional or required?

physical education benefits

Nowadays, students are required to take more and more hours studying at school. Besides theoretical classes, most schools also offer physical education classes. Despite great benefits that physical education provides to both physical and mental health of students, schools should only categorize it as a recommended option rather than a required class.

The most obvious effect that physical education does to a student is giving the child a healthy body. By taking exercises or playing sports regularly, children can burn calories and strengthen their muscles. From doing regular exercises at school, students will form a good habit of working out at home to maintain a healthy lifestyle. In addition, a good health also prevents students from serious illnesses, such as diabetes, heart diseases, and so on.

Furthermore, physical activities contribute significantly to a positive mental health. With a fit body, students will be more confident, energetic and optimistic. Besides, they can release stress after long studying hours by playing a sports game with friends, which helps them gain their motivation to get back to study better.

Even though physical education classes are of great importance, many students may not receive the benefits fully. This is because each person's physical condition is unique so that one training program cannot be suitable and safe for everybody. On the other hand, playing a sport effectively requires both players' interest and some natural skills. Hence, students will not be able to enjoy a class that offers the sport that they do not like, or they may fail sports tests that require natural skills which they do not possess. Therefore, schools should only promote physical education as an optional class with valuable benefits and encourage students to take part in.

TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Oct 6, 2017   #2
Hi Tran, I enjoyed your essay, but I think your thesis should include something about why physical education is important, so that you address the prompt more directly. Here are some additional suggestions:

required to spend more and more hours

Despite the great benefits

both the physical and mental health

effect that physical education has on a student

By doing exercises {or "performing" or "taking part in"}

a good health also prevents

significantly to a positive mental health

stress after long hours of study by playing sports with friends {or "playing a game", but "sports game" sounds unnatural}

which helps them regain {or "increase} their motivation

receive their full benefits.

and encourage students to take part in it. {or "to take part"}
haotran 2 / 6 1  
Oct 7, 2017   #3
Hi Hien

Your essay is pretty good to me because you used a wide range of vocabulary. However, I think that you should reconsider the structure of the essay. The first question of the task was not answered clearly in your introduction and you should also write an conclusion.
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Oct 7, 2017   #4
Tran, you are required to restate all of the original text, in your own team understanding working your opening statement. This is a requirement that helps the examiner understand the level of your English comprehension skills. While I admire the fact that you have some background information to share with the reader in this section, you should only present the available facts from the original prompt in this section. Remember that this is an IELTS essay so the factual discussion should start in the second paragraph, not the first. Only a thesis statement is required at the end of the opening paragraph.

In the second paragraph, better represent the prompt reasonably by offering a clear opening please to the discussion based upon keywords from the original. The more appropriate opening would have been too say " Physical education offers important benefits such as...". Opening this way shows that you are responding directly to a prompt question. The same applies to the third paragraph and fourth paragraph.

For the fourth paragraph, you should have presented a personal opinion format for the optional physical education classes since that is what was required by the prompt. After that, a summarized concluding statement should have been presented in order to properly close the essay. As of now, the essay is still an open discussion. Your essay should have had a total of 5 paragraphs.

Kindly keep in mind that there is a minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph. Failure to deliver the minimum required number will result in severe points deductions that could lead to a failing score for your test.
OP Tran Minh Hien 4 / 11 3  
Oct 8, 2017   #5
Dear @TJLuschen
Thank you for your corrections. I will rewrite this essay and will definitely consider all of your helpful suggestions.

Thank you @haotran. I did write a thesis statement and a conclusion, but it seems like they aren't clear enough. I'm happy that you think my vocabulary is good, but I wonder if it's good enough for a 6+ IETLS band score.

Dear @Holt,
Your comment is so helpful to me as a beginner in IELTS academic writing. I will try to improve the essay following your advice.
Many thanks!

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