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IELTS Task 2 - Support opinion - Why is physical education important?

Tran Minh Hien 1  
Oct 6, 2017   #1
Topic: Most schools offer some types of physical education programs to their students. Why is physical education important? Should physical education classes be optional or required?

physical education benefits

Nowadays, students are required to take more and more hours studying at school. Besides theoretical classes, most schools also offer physical education classes. Despite great benefits that physical education provides to both physical and mental health of students, schools should only categorize it as a recommended option rather than a required class.

The most obvious effect that physical education does to a student is giving the child a healthy body. By taking exercises or playing sports regularly, children can burn calories and strengthen their muscles. From doing regular exercises at school, students will form a good habit of working out at home to maintain a healthy lifestyle. In addition, a good health also prevents students from serious illnesses, such as diabetes, heart diseases, and so on.

Furthermore, physical activities contribute significantly to a positive mental health. With a fit body, students will be more confident, energetic and optimistic. Besides, they can release stress after long studying hours by playing a sports game with friends, which helps them gain their motivation to get back to study better.

Even though physical education classes are of great importance, many students may not receive the benefits fully. This is because each person's physical condition is unique so that one training program cannot be suitable and safe for everybody. On the other hand, playing a sport effectively requires both players' interest and some natural skills. Hence, students will not be able to enjoy a class that offers the sport that they do not like, or they may fail sports tests that require natural skills which they do not possess. Therefore, schools should only promote physical education as an optional class with valuable benefits and encourage students to take part in.
TJLuschen 190  
Oct 6, 2017   #2
Hi Tran, I enjoyed your essay, but I think your thesis should include something about why physical education is important, so that you address the prompt more directly. Here are some additional suggestions:

required to spend more and more hours

Despite the great benefits

both the physical and mental health

effect that physical education has on a student

By doing exercises {or "performing" or "taking part in"}

a good health also prevents

significantly to a positive mental health

stress after long hours of study by playing sports with friends {or "playing a game", but "sports game" sounds unnatural}

which helps them regain {or "increase} their motivation

receive their full benefits.

and encourage students to take part in it. {or "to take part"}
haotran 1  
Oct 7, 2017   #3
Hi Hien

Your essay is pretty good to me because you used a wide range of vocabulary. However, I think that you should reconsider the structure of the essay. The first question of the task was not answered clearly in your introduction and you should also write an conclusion.
Holt [Contributor] 1543  
Oct 7, 2017   #4
Tran, you are required to restate all of the original text, in your own team understanding working your opening statement. This is a requirement that helps the examiner understand the level of your English comprehension skills. While I admire the fact that you have some background information to share with the reader in this section, you should only present the available facts from the original prompt in this section. Remember that this is an IELTS essay so the factual discussion should start in the second paragraph, not the first. Only a thesis statement is required at the end of the opening paragraph.

In the second paragraph, better represent the prompt reasonably by offering a clear opening please to the discussion based upon keywords from the original. The more appropriate opening would have been too say " Physical education offers important benefits such as...". Opening this way shows that you are responding directly to a prompt question. The same applies to the third paragraph and fourth paragraph.

For the fourth paragraph, you should have presented a personal opinion format for the optional physical education classes since that is what was required by the prompt. After that, a summarized concluding statement should have been presented in order to properly close the essay. As of now, the essay is still an open discussion. Your essay should have had a total of 5 paragraphs.

Kindly keep in mind that there is a minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph. Failure to deliver the minimum required number will result in severe points deductions that could lead to a failing score for your test.
OP Tran Minh Hien 1  
Oct 8, 2017   #5
Dear @TJLuschen
Thank you for your corrections. I will rewrite this essay and will definitely consider all of your helpful suggestions.

Thank you @haotran. I did write a thesis statement and a conclusion, but it seems like they aren't clear enough. I'm happy that you think my vocabulary is good, but I wonder if it's good enough for a 6+ IETLS band score.

Dear @Holt,
Your comment is so helpful to me as a beginner in IELTS academic writing. I will try to improve the essay following your advice.
Many thanks!
OP Tran Minh Hien 1  
Oct 11, 2017   #6
I have rewritten this essay following everybody's advice.
Please tell me if I have made any progress, or if there is anything I need to improve. I'll be very thankful!

Topic: Most schools offer some types of physical education programs to their students. Why is physical education important? Should physical education classes be optional or required?

Sitting in a classroom for a long time can lead to tiredness and stress. Therefore, many schools provide physical education programs for their students. Physical education is so important because of its great contributions to a child's physical and mental health, yet it is better optional than required.

Taking physical education classes makes students healthy. While attending the class, students can play sports, take exercises, or at least move their bodies after long hours of sitting in classrooms. These activities help them burn calories, strengthen their muscles, boost the blood circulation and improve the brain's activity consequently. A healthy child also gets rid of dangerous illnesses, such as diabetes, heart diseases or obesity.

Physical education gives students a happier life. Since human's feelings are closely related to our physical states, a healthy person is likely happier than an unhealthy one. Moreover, students who usually take part in physical activities are energetic and friendly. These characters help them to be confident; therefore, they tend to have better social life, which can reduce their study stress and increase study results.

Despite many great benefits that physical education offers, it should only be an optional class rather than a required one. Because each person's physical condition is unique, one training program cannot be suitable and safe for everyone. For example, students who have congenital heart disease are unable to take part in heavy exercises, or handicapped students cannot play lots of specific sports. Besides, no one likes to play a sports game in which they are not interested while each person has a different hobby. Therefore, it is difficult to satisfy all students.

In conclusion, physical education is of great importance because it contributes a lot to students' health. However, schools should only categorize it as optional rather than required. Schools should also promote the benefits of physical education and encourage students to take part in more physical activities.
AliminHamzah 4  
Oct 12, 2017   #7
hello Tran, I have read your writing, it's no bad actually such as you have written more than 250 words and in several sentence you are using good tenses. Yet, in your introduction, it is not clear to describe your essay. You have to make it vivid so the reader will be curious with your essay when they try to read your essay. And then your conclusion have to describe whole of your essay evidently, and give a suggestion in your closing writing, so other people could get advantage from your essay and your essay look more active.

I hope it can help.

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