Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better...
These days there has been a drastic attraction to art among people which forces the government to fund their activities. Although some say that paying money on arts is wasting it, others strongly believe that art plays a key role in different parts of the society.
One very persuasive point in favor of the obligation in government funding of the arts is that people playing art help the society to feel a sense of elation and being alive. Since watching beautiful drawings or hearing lovely songs may help people to feel happy. And without art people may become depressed of living in a machinery world.
Secondly it could be claimed that in societies where art is not widespread people may lose their sense of innovation. Since art helps people to flourish their internal potential mostly about the nature. So it helps them to become more innovative than those places where art does not exist.
Finally it could be said that art may help a country to be introduced well among others and this may help the tourism attraction. Tourists play an important role in each country's economical aspect. For example holding a concert of different musicians may attract a lot of people from all over the world and causes a lot of investment in the country.
To conclude it should be claimed that funding artists and paying money on art is not even wasting money but also extremely essential due to its sense of happiness and making individuals to become more innovative and May even help the economics of a country in long term.
Hi Mostafa, I can see that you have received a comprehensive modification here on EF and I hope you follow through with it, believe me, there's nothing more than a well modified essay, it will not only give you a stronger essay but even more so, will let you see the difference between your original essay and the edited one, it will also help you with your future essays as you have seen and read an edited one. Who knows, you might become one of the moderators one day and be able to help a lot of people.
Overall, you have a fairly written essay, you were able to answer the prompt and you have used words that truly depicts the idea and insights that you want to convey to your readers. However, for future reference, I suggest that you present your essay in 3 paragraphs, this way it is easier to read and review, this will also give the reader, the necessary time to absorb the idea and the message you are trying to convey.
Well, thats about it for me, I do hope that my insights are helpful and you keep writing, keep practicing the language because it is the only way you will get better at this craft.
