Survey about people's consumption behavior of purchasing coffee and tea in several Australian cities

Dear All, I hope everyone is fine here.
I am working on my IELTS test preparation at 16th August now.

So, I would like to ask for help from all of you to assess my IELTS Task 1.

Coffee and Tea Buying and Drinking Habits in Five Cities in Australia

A survey about people's consumption behavior of purchasing coffee and tea in several cities in Australia was conducted and the result is depicted through a bar chart. Overall, in the last 4 weeks, most of the people in every region preferred to eat out in a café for a coffee or tea rather than bought either fresh or instant coffee.

It can be clearly seen that a slightly distinct trend is shown from Adelaide that most of the residents there (50%) purchased instant coffee, while around 1% lower percentage shown that people there bought instant coffee. In addition, consumers who choose to buy fresh coffee there only account for around 34%.

Meanwhile, a similar trend is portrayed in the other four cities. Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, and Hobart demonstrate equal pattern: the inhabitants who live there have a preference to drink either coffee or tea in the shop directly, then it was followed by instant coffee, and lastly fresh coffee. Melbourne and Hobart positioned as the largest percentage of people who like to go to a café, about 63% of them. Then it was followed by Sydney and Brisbane, around 61% and 56% respectively. The most remarkable percentage of people who bought instant coffee is shown in Brisbane (around 53%), while the tiniest could be found in Sydney (46%). Both Brisbane and Adelaide highlight the lowest percentage at 34% of people who purchased fresh coffee, while Sydney, on the top of it (44%).

Total Words: 244 Words

Thank you very much

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Hi! Here are some suggestions for you:

- "in the last 4 weeks" --> I think that you should change it to "over the 4-week period surveyed", because the timeline of the report ad our real time is different.

- "most of the people in every region" --> wrong, because of the exception in Adelaide. You can change it to: "people in most regions"

- "from Adelaide that most of the residents there (50%) purchased instant coffee, while around 1% lower percentage shown that people there bought instant coffee" --> wrong, you have mistaken the 2 graph bars.

--> Please be very careful when reporting the data, or else you will have a low score.

You would have failed this test because you wrote too many words. The Task 1 essay only uses 150-190 words. It is never presented using 244 words. That is already a Task 2 essay presentation. You have only 20 minutes for this part of the test so do not overwrite. Just give a simple report of the given information. Analyze it, but do not over analyze to the point where you are cutting into the 40 minute time requirement of the Task 2 test. The summary overview requires you to present the 5 city names and the measurement used for the data. The per paragraph sentence maximum is 5 sentences so you have to learn to say things in a more concise manner. Try to do that by grouping your presentation. Your second paragraph is too short. It needs to have at least 3-5 sentences for the comparison discussion. You appear to have missed out on some comparison points from the bar chart.