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The survey result about essential soft-skill in communication for daily routines


IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Nov 1, 2016   #1
The table gives the results of two surveys, in 1997 and 2006, in which people were asked which communication skills were essential in their jobs.

The figure shows the survey result about soft-skill in communication which is important for daily routines, asked in 1997 and 2006. Overall, the percentage of people considering that all aspects of communication to employee and public are essentials increased except selling product or service to the society.

For knowledge of particular and dealing with people, there was a significant increase from 35 to 41 and between 60 and 65. The percentage of people asked by advising clients increased by 3 percent from 36. In the reverse, selling a product decreased by 3 percent to 21 percent. These were the aspects of communication with external of the company.

To listen to colleagues was the highest increase of all points by 9 percent to 97 percent. Meanwhile, training people influencing and analysing problems with others had relatively same increased percentage by 5 percent to 30 percent, 21 percent, and 26 percent while making speeches and planning activities had 2 percent of median increment.

(155 Words)




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
Hi Ivan,
Kindly find my remarks below as an additional help towards your writing. I hope this would be helpful.

1st paragraph:
- The figure shows the information aboutthe survey result about soft-skill survey result in communication which ...
- Overall, it can be seen that / it is noticeable that the percentage of people considering that all aspects of ... ("considering/concerning/regarding" should be without "that")

- one more sentence please

2nd paragraph:
- ... there was a significant increasegrowth(try to avoid repetitiveness) from 35 to 41 and ...
- ... by advising clients increasedhad risen by 3 percent from 36% .
- ... selling a product decreaseddeclined by 3 percent to 21 percent.
- These were the aspects of communication with externalexternal communications of the company.

As you can see, my remarks are mostly about varying the words usage to improve your lexical resource score. You need to know that lexical resource is one of the fourth essential criteria in IELTS scoring system. I hope you can gain some improvements in the next practice :)
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 1, 2016   #3
Hi Ivan...
These are my corrections for your writing. Before I review deeply, I suggest you add words when you write. This is very risky because you only write less than 160 words. Generally, most of people write this section 165- 175 words. Hopefully, you can explore more of your idea in the next term.

... survey result about ESSENTIAL soft-skill in communication which is important for daily routines...
...people considering that THE ABILITY OF EXTERNAL COMMUNICATION WAS MORE NEEDED THAN THE INTERNAL COMMUNICATION. MOREOVER, all aspects of communication to ... (I suggest you create 2 sentences in the overview)

The percentage of people asked by advising clients increased by 3 percent from 36. In the reverse, selling a product decreased by 3 percent to 21 percent.

I ever told you that your job is to compare the figures. Subsequently, you are supposed to show comparisons in all paragraphs.
WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE ASKED BY ADVISING CLIENTS INCREASED BY 3 PERCENT FROM 36, THE SKILL OWNED BY WORKERS TO SELL A PRODUCT SHOWED THE REVERSE TREND WITH A DECREASE BY 3% TO 21%.

Hopefully, you can be braver to compare the figures.
Overall, you have shown the positive progress.
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR PROCESS
Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Nov 2, 2016   #4
Hallo ivaan.. i dont know why you did not put any comparation in your essay. I think make essay without comparation will decrease your score in writing task.. you can put the highest and the lowest parts in your essay to compare them

Let me to give you a sentence as an example

"The highest percentages between the composition in external and internal of communication in both years was dealing with people"

I hope it works and good luck!


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