Hi Ivan...
These are my corrections for your writing. Before I review deeply, I suggest you add words when you write. This is very risky because you only write less than 160 words. Generally, most of people write this section 165- 175 words. Hopefully, you can explore more of your idea in the next term.
... survey result about ESSENTIAL soft-skill in communication
which is important for daily routines...
...people considering that THE ABILITY OF EXTERNAL COMMUNICATION WAS MORE NEEDED THAN THE INTERNAL COMMUNICATION. MOREOVER, all aspects of communication to ...
(I suggest you create 2 sentences in the overview)The percentage of people asked by advising clients increased by 3 percent from 36. In the reverse, selling a product decreased by 3 percent to 21 percent.
I ever told you that your job is to compare the figures. Subsequently, you are supposed to show comparisons in all paragraphs.WHILE THE PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE ASKED BY ADVISING CLIENTS INCREASED BY 3 PERCENT FROM 36, THE SKILL OWNED BY WORKERS TO SELL A PRODUCT SHOWED THE REVERSE TREND WITH A DECREASE BY 3% TO 21%.
Hopefully, you can be braver to compare the figures.
Overall, you have shown the positive progress.
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR PROCESS