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IELTS writing task 1. Survey about suitable age for granting certain rights.

sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Aug 15, 2018   #1

some rights at an eligible age

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature.

My writing

The bar chart illustrates a result from a survey of a thousand teenagers conducted in five different countries about the eligible age that people can grant certain rights.

As can be seen clearly from the chart, the age for marriage and voting were over 15.

From the given data, Japanese and British juveniles agreed that the marrying age should be greater than 20, whereas the American's thought was 18 and the belief of Mexican and Egytian in this questionaire was 16. In term of voting, youngters from Japan opined that the suitable age was excactly 20. In contrast, the figures for the other four countries were under 20, with 18 for American and Egytian and 16 for British and Mexican.

As for the criminal accountabilities, Japanese adolesencts' conviction was 18. Both British annd Mexican shared the opinion of reasonable age which was 15. The age figures for the USA and Egypt were 12 and 14 respectively.

Any suggestions are appreciated.

ninhnguyen 1 / 1  
Aug 15, 2018   #2

I am not so knowledgeable on Task 1 IELTS's structure or flow for now since I haven't written Task 1 for years.
There are only some minor things I picked out such as "in terms of" or "adolescent"
Rogerscup 5 / 8 1  
Aug 15, 2018   #3

The overview in your paragraph is not clear enough. The age for criminal responsibilities is also over 15 in Japan. It will be much better to write that the age for marriage and voting showed much higher in each countries.
Minh2903 6 / 13 3  
Aug 16, 2018   #4
I have some suggestion for your essay:

Firstly, the overview seems to be missing, you should conclude more fine details in this part or you will lower score for your Task achievement. Secondly, you should pay more attention to grammar accuracy, I spot many spelling mistakes in this essay, this would reduce significantly your band to no more than 5.0. Moreover, you should try to lengthen to about 170 words, your essay just barely meets the minimum demand for task 1, which also does not fully cover all the distinct features in the graph.

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