Suzanne Barakat: Islamophobia Killed My Brother. Let's End The Hate

Suzanne Barakat in this TED video shared about her experienced life. For the beginning of her speech, she was introduced her brother to the audiences, who passed away a couple years ago because murdered by her neighbor. I think it was a very interesting speech because she tried to encourage the audiences for standing up with her against hate on Muslim. She told that in her environment, North Carolina, most of her neighbors extremely hate with Muslim people. Furthermore, she said that in three years ago, her house got couple of bullets and it made her family scared about this situation. After that, she and her family moved to San Francisco but the condition was unchanged. She always got bullying from her neighbor and for the unacceptable moment, her brother was murdered by her neighbor. It made her scared and angered with the situation, but she tried to control her emotional and thought about the best solution to face this problem. Thus, she tried to encourage people to introduce for next generation about the views of Islam in order to prevent the same crime that experienced her life.

... she was introduced her brother to the audiences, who passed away a couple years ago ...

(Actually, in this sentence is ambiguous, who is passed away? the audience? or her brother?)

For the beginning of her speech,she introduced her brother, who passed away a couple years ago, to the audience because OF murdered by her neighbor.

... her neighbors extremely hate withTO Muslim people. .....

Muhamad, when you are writing an article summary, you are not allowed to portray any sort of personal statement that could show a conflict of interest or certain bias in the way that you summarize the information. In this instance, you did exactly that. By showing a personal connection to the summary, you have tainted the discussion and summary that you have presented to the reader. When you write an academic paper, you are supposed to be able to compartmentalize your sentiments and personal opinions so that it does not interfere with the true essence of the summary / message.

Now, the essay itself is understandable. However, there are still sentence development and grammar issues that exist. The problem with your sentences occur because of your uncertainty regarding the proper tense (past, present, future) usage. This causes a confusion for the reader and requires them to create their own conclusion as to the occurrence of the events you are narrating.

Hi Muhammad, I'd like to share a few insights for your essay;

-In this video, Suzanne Barakat in this TED video
- shared about her experiencedin life.
- ForIn the beginning of her speech,
- she was introduced by her brother to the audiences ,
- who passed away a couple of years ago
- becausehe was murdered by her neighbor.
- I thinkbelieve it was a very interesting speech
- because she tried to encourage the audiences for standing upto share their hatredwith her against hate onthe Muslims .
- She toldshared that in her environment,
- extremely hate with Muslimspeople .
- Furthermore, she said that in three years ago,
- her house got couple of bulletshas been gunned down
- but the condition was unchangeddid not change .
- She's always got bullying frombullied by her neighbor

There you have it Muhammad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision.