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hunghoiham 2 / 2  
Nov 20, 2017   #1
This is my essay for IELTS Writing Task 1. I would be grateful if someone here sends me some comments.


The table shows the different rainfall on average in each month of the year in two cities. There is a significant difference in the amount of rain between Woodsville and Blacksboro among the year.

In Woodsville, autumn is the season with the least rainfall amounts, with a little over 3 inches on average in total from July to September. In contrast, it rains much in the winter. November and December is the top two months with the highest rainfall, with an average of 6 inches and 5.5 inches, respectively. Rainfall is recorded to be decrease steadily from the beginning of the year - January - 5 inches on average until it reaches the lowest number in July, with an average of just under 1 inch.

In Blacksboro, on the other hand, the amount of rain is much more smaller than in Woodsville. The rainfall is concentrated mostly in the spring, and February sees the biggest rain amounts, with an average of 4 inches. However, this number is just equal to two-thirds of the highest number of rainfall in Woodsville. Autumn is also the season in which the rain is not much, with only 0.3 inches on average in total of three years between July and September.

Overall, Woodsville rains much in the winter, while spring in Blacksboro rains a lot. The average monthly rainfall in Woodsville is higher than that in Blacksboro in general.

(232 words)

summerlin 5 / 12 2  
Nov 20, 2017   #2
Hi John

"There is a significant difference in the amount ..." This sentence should not be put in the first. You can put it in your overview paragraph, usually it would be the second paragraph in my essay.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,511 3437  
Nov 20, 2017   #3
John, the summary overview is incomplete. It does not indicate what work is to be done and why it has to be done prior to your trending statement. A more complete presentation would be:

The table provided indicated the comparison rates of rainfall per month. The data indicated are for the cities of Woodsville and Blackboro. It appears that there is a considerable difference in the rainfall received by the two cities throughout the year. This essay will analyze the presented data and compare points whenever required.

Now, the rest of the presentation is acceptable. However you have two trending statements within your essay when you need only one. Always include the trending statement in the overview rather than at the end because this essay does not require a concluding sentence or statement. You should also take note of the measurements that are similar within the two cities for presentation in the essay. You did not indicate that the two cities averaged the same amount of rain in February. That was an important comparison point for this essay that would have increased your score in terms of task accuracy.
Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Nov 20, 2017   #4
Hello, here are my advises,

I think the first paragraph should be like introduction, you shouldn't mention any "trend" inside, which should be revealed in overall view. I will revise the topic in another way in introduction, to enrich the capability of vocabulary.

Then I think the overall view can be longer since the comparison is one of the requirements of IELTS test 1, and you should put that in your overall view.

Hope it helps!

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