Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


(Table) How money was spent in 5 different countries in 2002


hyperephania 10 / 27  
Jun 30, 2018   #1
The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.
Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category - 2002


Measuring demand for different products



The given table illustrates how consumers in five distinctive regions spent on three different categories in 2002, represented in percentage.
As can be seen form the table, it is evident that food, drinks and tobacco were what people spent most of their money on; at the same time, the leisure and education category caught the least attention from them.

It is noticeable that there was a great demand on food, drinks and tobacco, costing people 15% to roughly one third of their earnings. Although Turkey was the leading country in this category, Turkish also spent much on leisure and education and clothing and footwear, accounted for 4.35% and 6.63% in total expenditure respectively.

At the same time, Italian paid more attention to the fashion category and spent the most among the five countries with exactly 9%. It seems that they had little demand on food, drinks and tobacco and this category occupied for only 16.36% of their expenditure. Whereas, Spain had the most remarkable patterns in how consumers spent - rather small amount of money on all the categories with the least spent on leisure and education - only 1.98%.

I really appreciate your comments on what my writing lacks in and what I can do to improve. Many thanks!



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
Jul 1, 2018   #2
Mu, while you did write 192 words for this essay, you forgot that the proper format for the essay is that of a 4 paragraph presentation composed of one summary overview, one trending sentence, and a 3 paragraph report based on the supplied information. So for this essay, the correct format is:

1. Summary overview with trending statement
2. comparison of the 5 countries under F/D/T
3. comparison based on C/F
4. comparison based on L/E

You can find a clue as to how many paragraphs you will be presenting for the report based on the division of information in the chart. Right after that, scan for comparison points such as similar percentages or equal percentages and when those occurred for reporting. If you don't see any, then you don't have to do that part of the report.

Always enumerate the countries specified after saying "5 distinct regions." You need to create a complete summary report, which includes all of the necessary information that will be discussed in the later paragraphs. The country information is part of the important, required, and necessary summary information.

You created run-on sentence in every paragraph. Remember, it's 3-5 sentence per paragraph in both the Task 1 and Task 2 essays. Separate the information into short to medium length sentences to represent simple and complex sentences. A run-on sentence is never going to be considered a complex sentence.

You also need to familiarize yourself with how the natives of these countries call themselves:
1. Ireland = Irish
2. Italy = Italians
3. Spain - Spaniards
4. Sweden = Swedes
5. Turkey = Turks

Such proper referrals to the citizens of the country will help to increase your LR score because you will be using it in the proper context.
OP hyperephania 10 / 27  
Jul 1, 2018   #3
@Holt
Many thanks for your comment!


Home / Writing Feedback / (Table) How money was spent in 5 different countries in 2002
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳